How can I learn to be the best person I can be for ME and not because I want approval from other people specifically my dad lolI'm literally terrified of him I don't feel relaxed or safe near him anymore. He's just mean and distant. All I want is for his approval and for him to love me but when he's home it's so hard to feel loved and like I belong.
Anxiety (Including GAD)
I'm sure your dad loves you, even if he doesn't show it the way you would expect him to. There is no father who does not love his child or is not proud of him, both for better or for worse. Have you tried talking to him about it? Tell him what bothers you? Maybe there is a way he can change his ways. He might not even know how much it bothers you and if he only knew everything would look different.
I also struggle with being the best I can for ME and not other people, and then I realized that the one person who will be a constant in your life forever is you, and although a good healthy relationship with yourself takes work just like relationships with other people, you will always have your own back even when your upset with yourself and you should let anything or anyone affect the relationship you have with yourself. Some people help you to make that relationship with yourself better and some either inadvertently or intentionally damage it.
Also, just because you love someone or they love you, doesn’t give them the right to make you feel terrified, or unsafe emotionally or physically even if they don’t do it on purpose. I know how that feels and it’s terrible, if you feel PHYSICALLY unsafe around your father then you need to tell someone in your life that you can trust to keep you safe not at the risk of their own safety, such as a teacher or if worst comes to worst police officer if they are safe in your area. I’m not saying that emotional abuse dosent hurt the safe and affect you as much, but there is more of a chance at fixing the problem safely and possibly even resolving the issues in your relationship, however I suggest you bring in a third party to help mediate and protect both you and your fathers right to get your points across, because there is probably something bothering your father as well if this is a new development in your relationship. Mending hurt takes time and a lot of work, but you deserve to know that no matter how things end up with you and your dad, you DESERVE to be loved and you DESERVE to feel like you belong, and if that is not with him, then it will be with someone else you appreciates you for who you are and loves you regardless of any misgivings, wether that person is a friend, family member, or future spouse. I hope things resolve themselves and you get to feel all the love you deserve, good luck❤️
Decide what you want to be and what you don't. Get post it notes and write these things on them, and stick it on the mirror you get ready in. Positive reinforcing first thing in the morning feels wonderful.
You only need reassurance and love from yourself, you need to take care of you and your needs before anything or anyone else. A self love journey is hard but it's so worth it in the end. What I did is make a list of all the things I love about myself: my eyes, my taste in music, etc. Then a list of what makes me happy: Christmas lights, people smiling, etc. Then use that to find what makes you happy and surround yourself with it. Start taking care of your hygiene, which was really hard for me when I was severely depressed, and surround yourself with positive people and drop all the negative ones. If you want to talk my messages are always open 💕
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