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Struggling with my sexuality and past abuse

Angelks2323

463d

Help!! I think I’m a lesbian instead of bisexual! I feel so horrible and selfish though… My boyfriend/father-of-my-daughter wants to marry me someday, but I keep feeling stressed and depressed about living most of my life with a man who has abused me in the past. Plus I keep crushing on one of my coworkers cuz she’s so nice to me and I think she’s attractive! I also keep mourning over my ex-girlfriends, I just miss being with a woman romantically, I miss the attention, the times shared, the emotions, the chemistry. I crave being with a woman, but I don’t really crave being with a man. In the past I thought I loved men too, but the closer I get to them the more alone and empty I feel. I decided to stay off and on in the closet over the years, but I don’t want to die knowing I haven’t fully loved a woman and shared my life with someone I feel a healthy love for

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Top reply
    • BubbleGirl1

      463d

      Him being abusive alone is enough to leave ... sexuality is not even a question in that.... But even if he wasn't abusive before if the thought of marrying him(or any man ) just don't sit right with you then don't why let yourself be unhappy and ultimately your partner.

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    • fruitpunk

      462d

      From one queer survivor to another: trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t right. Especially when abuse is part of the equation. You know what’s best for your future, as well as your daughter’s. Two years ago I left an abusive relationship to be with the love of my life, and I haven’t regretted it once. I hope you find a love that fills you with joy!! Follow your heart, girl! 💕🏳️‍🌈

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    • titch

      462d

      maybe it’s not taht you don’t want to be with a man, more that you don’t want to be with the man you’re with now, considering his abusive past. but if he truly has changed and there’s time between the abuse and now then maybe talk to him about your craving for femininity. it’s a conversation that may be difficult and there’s no easy answer but you may find a way you can solve that. if he’s abusive again then idk why he’s after marrying you because he clearly doesn’t respect you taht much. if you can’t find a way through it then maybe it would be best to leave so that your child doesn’t have a dramatic story of “my dad abused my mum and my mum cheated on him with a lady and then they broke up” rather than “my mum and dad split up because they weren’t in a good relationship”

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      • Angelks2323

        462d

        @titch I 100% agree. And I’ve had my abusive moments with him too that I regret. I tried to break up with him in the past, but it would be in the middle of an emotional tornado, so not very smart of me to do. But him and I have talked about me dating women, and I don’t feel right about it. It’s hard to explain, but I’ll update you if you’d like💕

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    • Keisha

      462d

      it’s not selfish to want to live your best life possible, let him go and find the girl of your dreams :)

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    • avian

      463d

      you're not selfish at all, you deserve to live your life to the fullest. just because he wants something doesn't mean you have to give it to him, especially since he's been awful to you in the past i know it's hard and that you'll probably feel guilty, but guilt doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. you should always look after yourself, you can live the life you want and deserve to have. i'm wishing you luck with everything 💖

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    • BubbleGirl1

      463d

      Him being abusive alone is enough to leave ... sexuality is not even a question in that.... But even if he wasn't abusive before if the thought of marrying him(or any man ) just don't sit right with you then don't why let yourself be unhappy and ultimately your partner.

      10

      Reply
      • Angelks2323

        463d

        @BubbleGirl1 yeah I don’t remember constantly thinking about marriage with a man in the past, but with women it was so easy to think that.

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      • Skylarkbard

        463d

        @BubbleGirl1 +1 to this! Plus, if you get married that's another layer of legal nonsense you'd have to go through to leave him. Get out while the getting's good--you deserve to be happy!

        5

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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