Struggling with Emotions and Seeking Help

I'm crying and sometimes I don't show emotion or I go full out and can't breathe. what I see is different than other and I'm just trying to keep myself afloat. I've reached out to helplines but all they want is a safe plan which I keep doing on a daily basis. people say reach out for help and this is what I'm doing, am I supposed to just survive these moments when I feel numb and tired? this pain will never end and it's been having a toll on me. I don't know if I can keep this fake on until I go completely out of my mind. I don't know how I can keep it that long but I've tried and you always need to at least be on your feet because someone is gonna force you to get up and get moving. I love the little things in life like reading, petting animals, and food. I'm glad I know how to write and explain myself so I can get this off my chest. I know life is hard but I hate this feeling I have inside and I don't feel normal as a human anymore than I was. Stuff happened to me and I don't know how to revision myself to this different me, I guess that the adventure of discovering myself. I hate seeing people older than myself, just surviving with what they can get, I don't want to reach that point and make dinner when u get home from work, doing most chores and taking care of a child. I need to pause and get in control but I don't have the energy to even go on..