I'm not sure if it's the bipolar, the anxiety or something else all together, but literally having a job, any job makes me want to eliminate myself, I get beyond depressed, I have had issues with several jobs that I do like but I end up being so depressed I want to quit, I have to take a leave of absence and won't get paid or miss days and i end up looking like a crappy worker. The idea of having to work almost everyday for the rest of my life makes me suicidal.
Anxiety (Including GAD)
Do you like gardening at all? Perhaps something like that could help. But if not you could always try to apply for disability.
I don't really like doing anything besides reading, watching documentaries or sleeping. I only read like horror, true paranormal true crime, and history. But working anywhere even around the things I like makes me want to die.
then I would try to apply for disability and see if you're accepted. If not then maybe try working at a library, just a thought for you
It’s definitely something I struggle with every day. Sometimes I end up scratching myself at work just to get through the day. I’m sure the entire office had noticed the marks by now. So I genuinely feel you. But untimely I try to force myself to go to work. I know that in the short term not working may feel like a good option and I’m always glad when I’m not working, but in the long term it’ll probably be bad for me. Having structure, something to do, interacting with people, etc is good for me. I know that I might get better for a few months and then I’d be even worse off.
But I also feel you about the absences. I take a lot of days off work and have definitely faced consequences for that. Something that has helped me was applying for accommodations, especially doing hybrid schedules and attendance accommodations.
I’ve also reduced my hours when things have gotten very bad and that helped a lot. I’m back to working full time now. So I’d definitely consider if cutting your hours back or working part time might help. You could look into getting disability and working part time (because you can make up to a certain amount and still qualify).
If you haven’t already started working with a therapist that can help a lot with work related challenges. Or maybe a med change / starting meds if you haven’t already might help. For me, getting on the right med made such a difference and I’m able to get through the day so much better!
I hope some of this helps. You will get through this! Sending my best.
thank you so much, I feel so alone sometimes
I feel what you mean maybe working from home would be a bit better for you ?
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