MissWilwarin

74d

Sometimes I hate being a nice person. And I don’t just mean in my actions; in my emotions too.
Example: A couple days ago I was really upset with my sister because she decided she didn’t want to go to a family event where I was relying on her for a ride. It was a birthday party my uncle threw for my dad who passed last year. I felt such anger and resentment, but then when my other uncle offered to come & get me, I immediately felt better. And then about 12 hours later, I felt empathy for my sister who didn’t go probably because it was too hard emotionally.

I just wish sometimes that I could be a selfish *sshole who didn’t care so much about peoples feelings. I know it’s a weird thing to wish for; it’s just that I feel like life would be a little easier sometimes if I didn’t think of everyone else before I made a decision.

Restlessness and Agitation

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Depression

View all
  • j_Bug

    74d

    sounds like it may be worth investing some time in exploring what boundaries you'd like to set in your life! I have a similar feeling when it comes to feeling angry- I wish I didn't have to be under control all the time, other people get to be angry and impulsive, so why don't I? but really that's a rule I impose on myself, and I would definitely benefit from letting myself feel angry when I want to. letting yourself set "selfish" boundaries might help you find a balance where you feel good about who you are as a person with resenting the restrictions you feel

    • MissWilwarin

      74d

      it’s not even just a rule I set for myself, it’s just how I process my emotions. I was so set on potentially never forgiving my sister for bailing on me, but then I got over it. As for letting myself feel angry, I don’t know how to express my anger without having outbursts. Last time I exploded, I ended up cutting myself really bad. When I’m really angry, in my head, I’m throwing stuff and breaking stuff. But obviously I can’t do that.

      • j_Bug

        72d

        you totally can! I have the same trouble expressing anger, but recently I realized that I could go outside and smash ice from the freezer- it was super helpful, because you get to break something without any consequences. another option would be getting dishes from a thrift store just for breaking, and breaking them in a box to avoid cleanup

  • MatchaBunn

    74d

    It does feel like not caring at all would be easier sometimes, but I think that’s just from being worn out caring so much. It’s normal to crave the opposite when you’re used to the way your brain works. As an AuDHDer, I recognize that I spend time processing a lot more information (emotional, sensory, informational). And that is quite exhausting to do every time, especially with more emotionally charged situations. Try not to be so hard on yourself for having emotions; anger especially gets a bad rap because it can be so big™️ and difficult to step back from. It’s okay to feel anger, and confusion, and frustration when trying to work with others. You’re doing your best managing that, even though it’s challenging. You’re allowed to feel bad, and want people to be there for you. The best we can do is ask for more time to process, and to take a moment to breathe. It’s not going to be perfect all the time, but you do have control in how you handle your emotions. I’m proud of you for noticing and reaching out.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.