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JupiterGhost

654d

I'm having a bad depressive swing... I spoke to my father (kinda) for the first time today since September... a little brief backstory... my parents aren't healthy. I struggle with calling them abusive... even though everyone in my life (including my own grandparents) had told me they are emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive.... my parents and I had a huge falling out in September 2021. The massive argument ended with my mother blocking me on every social media site... and my father cutting off all contact. This was the first time I stood up for myself. The sheer overwhelming pressure of losing my parents approval, their love, sent me over the edge. I almost unalived myself that night in my college dorm. Thankfully, my boyfriend (at the time) convinced me to move in with himself and his family. since then, I've made a LOT of progress with my mental health, and I'm in a much better place. that boyfriend is now my fiancé, and things are better. Until today. I had to fill out my FAFSA for school. I called my mother for their financial information (she put in a lot of effort and has completely turned around her behavior. we are actively working on a healthier relationship) and my father was in the background. He helped me with my FAFSA through my mom... but now I'm just... left feeling empty. I'm in a really bad depressive swing. I don't know how to cope or what to do. I just want to lay in bed and watch the world go by... or dissappear entirely and vanish. I feel like a horrible kid.. and all of that old guilt is coming back tenfold. I guess my question is... what do I do? how do I get myself through this? everything in me wants to hide away and I don't have the energy for anything... except to beg for my parent's forgiveness

    • KrispyKris

      654d

      First, thank you for sharing your experience and story. I cannot tell you what to do but I can say your feelings of guilt are from the trauma you may have experienced as a child. Those feelings you had as a child are still there and can still come up. You are not at fault for the decisions your parents made or for how they treated you. I am glad to hear you are in a much safer and more stable environment. I hope this helped and you are not alone.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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