I am absolutely in love with my girlfriend but because of my BPD, I think I’m trying to ruin it. I have no idea why I’m like this. I love her so so much but I’m terrified of starting a life with her. What if I change my mind? What if I end up in the hospital again? What if I hurt her (emotionally)? What am I supposed to do? I also have PTSD so I’m struggling with nightmares. I was SA’d twice but one of them won’t go away. It won’t leave my mind. I am not able to be sexually intimate because I keep thinking about my SA all the time.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • Wormington


    I have a similar problem, except that I don't have a girlfriend. I've been SA'd twice as well and I can't be intimate with anyone. I don't even remember the last hug I received. I'm sorry I don't have advice but I hope things get better for you

  • esh


    My only advice is to communicate these things to her. If she loves you and wants to build a life with you she will be receptive and understanding. Talking about it can actually help with the doubt, at least it has for me. I’ve had the same problems with the “what if” and it’s so annoying and I can’t tell if I’m being rational. But once I’ve voiced it to my partner I’ve felt significantly better. The doubts will likely come back but try to continue talking about it to process why you are feeling that way

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