mashed_potato

15d

How do you get over someone who you trusted the most in life, and they had promised that we'd support each other after...

They told me our break up was due to my mental health... but they went to someone more unstable than me...

We promised to stay friends after, but they became cold and have avoided any questions when I ask why. Even lying to me about why they've ignored me.

How do I get an honest answer for closure or how do I reach closure without having answers?

I dont know if I did anything wrong... and if I did I want to know what so I can address it

I cant get it out of my head, everything hurts and I'm stuck jumping to the conclusions that they never even loved me.. that it was all a hoax to get into my pants

I just wish someone would bash my head in because it won't leave my mind otherwise

I know I should "get over it," heard that so many times before, but I dont know how to

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Insomnia

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

View all
  • quetz

    15d

    Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling. Vent those feelings out in any non-harmful way as you can. For example, when I went through a breakup similar to yours, I was sooo angry at the guy. I bought some cheap ceramic plates at Goodwill, put one in a plastic bag (makes cleanup easier), and threw it on the ground - smashing it to bits. If all you feel like doing is lying in bed and crying, that's ok!! Forcing yourself to "just get over it" isn't going to truly help you in the long run. My therapist said we go through the stages of grief for things like this too, not just death of people. Allow these feelings to run their course, and then pick yourself back up when you are feeling a bit better. There's no set time-line for getting over a breakup, take as much time as you need. Sending strength and love your way.

    • mashed_potato

      15d

      I don't feel anger... I feel like I'm unlovable, and I'm not sure how to vent that feeling away apart from harmful means. Lordy I wish I was angry, but everytime I try imagine punching him in the face I feel so bad about it 🥲

      • StrawberryMilk

        14d

        It’ll be okay ❤️ its only normal to feel unlovable when all we know is being abandoned. But just know there is someone and even multiple people out there who will and can love you for who you are truly. Its all about the right person who is capable of loving you. its not about the losers who cant. And its certified not about you being unlovable either. because we all are lovable, just not by everyone because there are emotionally unintelligent and unavailable people out here.

  • Breaker

    15d

    It's a tricky situation for sure. It might be a situation where they never end up telling you the real reason why they broke up with you. I know that probably sounds frustrating but it sounds like they weren't worth it anyway. Although it might not bring peace of mind, if you find a good partner that wants to genuinely work on problems that come up they will tell you what they have an issue with and you can fix it from there. It sounds like it was a rough breakup and I hope you can work through it ok. Take as much time as you need to grieve the relationship. I can definitely say from personal experience you gotta be able to talk about them without missing them.

    • mashed_potato

      15d

      definitely hard to get over because they were the only person who treated me as more than a bag of meat 😅 The breakup wasn't bad, we talked through it, but the break of friendship was sudden and shattering.. I just can't wrap my head around the fact someone could say they love someone and then give zero f-s about them only a month later...

  • IAng

    15d

    I am in a similar situation. It was a friend break up. We were best friends for years yet apparently I said something that I can not remember and she won’t tell me what I said or did.

  • PrincessVioletta

    15d

    I honestly completely understand what you're going through except I have no confirmation he left me for someone with worse mental problems and we never officially dated due to distance. Him pulling back romantically hurt but was understandable due to his reasons. Him pulling back as a friend despite telling me he saw how hard I worked to get better and then finding someone to date immediately after ending our friendship is what I'm still trying to heal from, and it's been a long journey for me. I can't answer your question as to why your person did that to you, and as someone who got the final talk and still feels they never got a straight answer, you may never understand. But it's okay to process what happened and need time to heal even if it takes more than a few weeks or months or even if it takes over a year. Sometimes the loss of a friend hurts more than of a romantic partner because there was a level of trust there in a way not all romances have but all friendships should. If you ever need someone to talk to, let me know and I'll do my best to respond in a timely manner. You aren't alone.

  • Jenjen28

    15d

    I understand this. My boyfriend just left me after he told me repeatedly that he would never leave. He said I was all he ever wanted. Then he started changing and becoming distant. He said he could sense that I wasn't happy with how he was acting lately and maybe it's just best that we take time apart. He moved out, broke up with me in a message, deleted me and all my friends and family, and has not responded to any messages since the day after he left. I wanted that closure so bad and got so angry that he couldn't even give me that after all we had been through. But everyone I talk to tells me that it is not my fault. He was the one who changed. It was his decision to leave and the way he is treating me is a reflection of the way he feels about himself lately. That could be exactly what you are going through. If they left without giving you any explanation and any closure, then that is cowardly and they weren't strong enough to deal with their own problems, let alone the way you were feeling. You need someone who will be strong enough to work through things together and keep their promises. I know it hurts to think about because I am there too, but they are not your "person" like they promised to be. You will find your person one day.

  • StrawberryMilk

    14d

    1. This is about them not you, they lied, they weren’t good enough for you because obviously they cant meet your support needs which is very VALID! 2. sometimes we wont get closure from people who arent emotionally intelligent enough to give it or even understand consequences to their actions/words 3. and you wont get over it untill you just will. dont let anyone tell you when to get over this. llet yourself heal, be sad, accept, and eventually move on with what you were left with. 4. you will have someone better. Make sure to have someone better next time you are ready to date. Raise your standards. stick to them. Never lower them. 5. I wish you well, i have been through what you’ve been through too and i’ve made it and am with someone so much more amazing. You will make it far far too! ❤️

  • Tess123

    14d

    You don’t just “ get over it”. It’s lots of little decisions all day long day after day that will get you there. The decision not to call or text. The decision to do something positive with your time. The decision to replace unhealthy thoughts with more positive one. Failing trying again. Day after day till it gets easier.

  • CaramelMixedHoney

    14d

    That's very tough to be vulnerable with someone who you trusted and you allowed in. It's not that easy to "just get over it". I think a lot of people tell their exes that they can be friends with them to make the breakup not seem so bad. I also think of this person said your mental health is the reason why they couldn't be with you, that's going to have to be all of the closure you will get. I know that you want to know the real answer, but they might not even know how to give you the real answer because they don't even know the truth themselves. I wish I could give tips on how to get closure when you can't get closure from someone else. I think I've just learned that people have a very hard time telling the truth and that's enough closure for me. And I just have to live with it. And know that that person may not have been the one for you, but the one that is is sitting around wishing that they knew you and wishing that they could be with you as well so they could be there to support you.

  • E_belli

    14d

    I feel you. I was with my partner for 7 years, married for 3 of them. First she told me she professed her love for her best friend and looked for me to comfort her when he rejected her. Then she said she didn't like me on my meds but that she wouldn't ask me to come off them. Saying I wasn't able to give her attention (bc I was focusing on my mental and physical health having a failing gallbladder) and I apparently loved the dogs more than her. Always sounded like an excuse. It's been about 4 years since we stopped talking after having a good friendship. She accused me of setting up a credit card in her name, which I absolutely did not (she opened it and forgot about it). Point is. It was a great love story. Ya know. Write and perform a (slam) poem about a girl she had seen around. I'm sitting in front of her at the slam. Then I find out it was me. I was desperately in love. Heck, I am still so in love. I miss her every day. I can't stop thinking about her still. Every love song happy or sad reminds me of her. I'm happy for the most part in my life (a lot has changed in these years) but my life still feels empty without her. I don't know the honest truth about what actually happened since there were a lot of half-truths being thrown around. I often question if her feelings for me were real. And they probably were. I never got closure. But their absence makes you question your whole self. Honestly, You may not get the closure you are thinking of or want. But don't let yourself question what you had. It may have been temporary but it was very real. You are deserving of that love. And you will find someone who loves every part of you. I think my point got smushed at some point. I'm sorry. I guess this long boring story just to say, I get where you're coming from, you are not alone. Love is the best feeling and also the worst feeling. Hang in there ❤️

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.