Dealing with Ableist Family Members

I'm getting really tired of the cycle of shame I have to go through with ableist family members. It takes me MONTHS to build the confidence to want to do something about the pain I'm in rather than suffer through ineffective bs to make abled people happy and somehow ""overcome"" my disability. Then always, every single time, I get roped into A Talk with my grandmother and she rips into me until im so ashamed of what I am I do whatever she wants. I hate this, I hate the pressure to be a "good cr*pple" and do everything EXCEPT things to alleviate your pain and give you access to a normal life. Abled people find suffering virtuous, and that's disturbing to me.