Yeah... Honestly I just got out of a relationship that was like that... I wish I could help you with it because I understand where you're coming from, but I'm still having trouble with that myself. Did you try to communicate with him about it?

My husband's love language is touch and cuddling. However, I get horrible flashbacks to a previous relationship where I was often held down. So I rarely cuddle or touch him. He knows this and understands and I try my best to cuddle for as long as I'm comfortable and try to meet halfway

I don't struggle with the dissociation, but I struggle with the anxiety and being in the moment. I find myself wanting more comfort then I give sometimes. I also don't think I'm giving the comfort when he wants it... It makes me feel really guilty too. I understand that part for sure. I've just had to force myself to start doing things for him. Pick whatever is easiest for you. Like rubbing his back or giving a compliment, whatever is easy and just try and do it once a day at least. Start saying to yourself I want them to be happy over and over again until it becomes more real in your head. Not that you don't already, but more too make your brain start giving them more priority. It took a few months before all these things really started to work and help. But even now things aren't perfect. I'm still not giving exactly what he wants. I'm still not great at it. But it's getting better... Takes a lot of time and relearning how to trust and love after being hurt so much.... I'm here if you wanna talk more

I was in a relationship similar to this situation for about 5 years. It didn’t end because of this fact but it was really difficult. Communication really is key, even though that sounds cliché.

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you are. I met my boyfriend at work and he's never judged me from my past or anything. But we haven't connected yet and it's going on 10 months. He's a really good genuine guy but for a while it was like my gut was telling me to stay and that he really does care for me but then my heart hasn't really caught feelings yet.... like I don't understand why I'm having a hard time opening up to him