Struggling with Gender Identity: Am I Trans or Genderfluid?

Hi! I also really relate to your experience. I identify as trans nonbinary genderfluid as I found the first two identities first and that's what felt good to me. I started unraveling the need to feel like a valued and pretty woman before realizing I was trans and dont have as much difficulty with it as it sounds like you are but I do in some ways. I feel like I can't wear loose shirts and loose pants because then none of my body is "visible", even if that's what's making me more comfortable I feel ugly. I made a diy at home packer once and it felt so euphoric and I have never even gotten the courage to put one on or buy one since because I also felt ashamed and embarrassed and like a fraud. Some days I love my boobs and a lot of days I hate how big they are and just wish they were like... Secret tiddies. Thats the phrase and concept that feels most affirming to me. I fluctuate between nonbinary genders but I do feel very fem a lot of the times but a lot of the time I feel fem and masc and other times I feel nothing... Like I wish gender wasn't clockable and wasn't a thing. I'm also bi and use they/them pronouns and love Valentine's Day. I don't love wearing dresses and skirts anymore because Girl is what I see and what others see but I do wish I could be trans masc sometimes and be on T just so that I could wear skirts and dresses and not be seen as Girl but at the same time that makes me worry because I 100% never want to be seen as Man and I don't always want to dress with skirts and dresses. I love light pink and light purple and light blue things. I love cute and "girly" things and anything that looks like it came out of a children's book. I've joked with people before that I want my gender to be Cute or Adorable (but like still in an adult way). But I also don't always feel like that, but that's what I feel like most of the time. I just also especially really couldn't tolerate being seen as Man. I don't know of resources as I've been really struggling with this too. My boyfriend has been really helpful as he's been in his transitioning journey a lot longer but he didn't question whether he wanted to go on T or not as much as I have and has been on it for about ten years. So he's helpful in the sense he can listen and validate me but not as helpful in the sense that he doesn't understand being genderfluid. And I haven't really met anyone I could speak with about being genderfluid either. I'd be happy to talk with you! (I'm 26 btw) feel free to message me.

Hey I'm not genderfluid, but I'm bigender and genderqueer. I understand some of what you are going through, so I'm here if you wanna talk.

Hey. It's gonna be ok. Something that's important to understand, and that it took me a while to get, is that transition is not and never has been a fully binary experience, at least for most people. It's more of an open-world, 'sandbox' build your own gender kind of thing, or at least that's the way I've found that has helped me conceptualize it. I don't use the label genderfluid myself, so I'm sorry i can't be of more help there, but I don't identify as a binary trans man either. If pushed, the labels I choose are transmasc non-binary, androgynous, non-binary, afab but not a woman, etc. I've chosen to take t and get top and I'm perceived as a guy now moving through the world, however, I dress as femme or masc day to day as I feel is right at any given moment and it works for me. Were I to give you any advice, it'd be a few things- try your best to stay away from terminally online trans infighting in spaces where its like truscum vs tucute, or people calling one another "fake trans" or afabs and amabs fighting about who has it worst, that's just going to give you brainworms. Try to find a support group meet-up for trans ppl near you, go to one online if you need to, but meet and make other trans friends. Having other people who could relate to me that I could see in person was very important and helpful to me, especially early in transition. I think it's not so much a matter of if you're trans or how trans you are as much as "do I want changes to happen to my body? Do I want others to call me by a different name/pronouns? Do I like my body and the way I'm perceived currently? Are there things I want to change, whether it's how I dress up to and including hormones/surgery/etc.?" But the important thing is, no one but you can decide what's right for you. It's ok to be confused and unsure. Therapy can help, friends can help, meditation can help, screaming and making art can help. Find your coping mechanisms and use them. Your transition is yours and your experience is yours. Your feelings are important and true. Go with what feels right. Don't be afraid to take your time or change your mind; you're the only one who knows best what will make you happy 💖

Hello!! I just wanted to say how much I related to your experience. I’m 27 and also afab genderfluid and I’ve felt a lot of what you’ve described here at different points in time. It wasn’t until very recently that I’ve started finding some masc looks I personally feel more comfortable in and exploring and it’s definitely a sensitive process to get comfortable expressing myself. I think it’s really hard not to doubt your identity while being genderfluid because personally as my experience has changed in different days Ive started to doubt how I felt at different times in the past. I’m working on acknowledging my feelings and doing what makes me feel comfortable and happy without worrying if that might look different tomorrow or the next day. I’m 100% here if you need someone to talk to!