I sent apologies to a few people today, friends and lovers. There are probably more to send. I couldn't believe or understand that people loved me and cared about me, and I didn't think anything was real. I hurt myself around people that cared about me, not knowing or accepting how much it hurt them. How much more can you insult someone's love for you than to treat them like it doesn't exist?One of the people I apologized to was there for me during a suicide attempt. She probably saved my life. She cut contact some months later. I sent an apology to her Reddit account, as it was all I could access. She may never see it. I still hope she will, only if it would help her. Maybe if she never sees it, it will be because it would have given her more pain.
Chronic Generalized pain
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Complex post traumatic stress disorder
I'm also surprised every time again that there are people who love me despite all the hell I put them through. I also find myself hurting them again and again and they always come back, loving and supportive. It's not obvious that we have people who love us surrounding us, we should remember and cherish every moment like this. The psychological treatment helped me a lot regarding changing my attitude towards them and today I'm not perfect but I am more aware and I try harder.
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