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Struggling with my identity as a transgender person

Abysall

435d

I'm so sick of being transgender... I'm so sick of people assuming I'm a lady just because of my voice, I'm so sick of everyone calling me she/her and I'm so sick of everyone assuming the stuff I go through when they have no clue. I know if my dad were still alive he'd be so disappointed in the person I've become, I couldn't get into guitar like he did because I was so worried he'd be disappointed about the fact I couldn't play as well as he could and I know he'd be disappointed in the man I've become. He's never known me as anything but his daughter and I know he'd be disappointed in the fact that I could never be the daughter he needed or wanted because I'm not his daughter anymore... I'm just so sick of everything and sick of people expecting me to always be my best even when I know I can't always keep up my fake happy expressions... And I'm sorry for the random rant but I've just been crying for the past half hour, if not longer, and needed a rant about what I'm feeling...

7

11

11

Testosterone

Gender Dysphoria

Depression

Generalized pain

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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Top reply
    • mamabear1990

      430d

      @Ash.G I feel this except with only feminine nicknames makes me feel like throwing up

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    • Ash.G

      435d

      I don't have gender dysphoria. But I don't feel a particular gender. I understand that it could be hard though. I feel uncomfortable when people I don't know calling me feminine or masculine nicknames. It makes me feel sick to the stomach and I can't tell ether of my parents because my mother thinks you can only be ether cis or trans, not nether. My dad would just be disappointed as he is only supportive if its not his child.

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      • mamabear1990

        430d

        @Ash.G I feel this except with only feminine nicknames makes me feel like throwing up

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    • mamabear1990

      435d

      Not sure if my comment helps but I'm sorry people are being rude and I'm assuming this isn't a new change so everyone should of been able to adjust to your preferred pronoun and name now!? If your dad loved you as you were then he would love you as the person you are now ❣️ as it sounds like he was very loving an important ☺️ important people who love us unconditionally will love us through any change ... People that don't love unconditionally are less important to focus on although it can be painful I'm non binary and feel sick in pink and frilly clothes etc and I grew up being forced to wear femme clothes because I was born female I can very rare occasion choose to put very femme clothes on but that's because I grew out my body hair to "even it out" as I don't feel like a girl don't like girly things it clothes and I get body dysmorphia from the face I have a large chest now which means I can't hide them in men's clothes I told people over an over I don't feel comfortable in pink stuff and pink make up and people just didn't listen to me But It must get better as you can make your own choices for treatments if your doing any at some point with doctor help for meds etc ☺️ and you can get clothes that suit you better that make you feel like you now which is always a good start . I do wish people weren't so rude and mean though I find it hard to tell people I'm non binary because I don't "look it"

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    • Neowo

      435d

      I get you, it can be so hard but I promise it gets better

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      • Abysall

        435d

        @Neowo Thanks, I'm hoping it happens soon, it just really sucks

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    • zndrj

      435d

      This is 100% relatable and a lot of trans people have been where you are. If you have access to a GIC you can get voice training to help with the dysphoria around that. Be gentle with yourself, it's not an easy journey

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      • Abysall

        435d

        @zndrj I can lower my voice enough to make me sound like a man but it's sometimes hard to maintain and even then, it's difficult to put on a "customer service" voice as I'm in hospitality. It's just very hard right now, I'm still on the waiting list to be transferred and sorted so that I can even start to get testosterone but I know it will be a long wait because of how many there are in the UK, I just get so sick of people and my friends saying, "you shouldn't care, you'll never see them again" it doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt like Hell. I appreciate the comment though, thank you

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    • Nicoratboy

      435d

      No because this is relatable

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    • jam064

      435d

      I understand a lot of that. My voice gave me more dysphoria than anything else, and my dad was the hardest person to tell. Feel free to message me. ❤️

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      • Abysall

        435d

        @jam064 Thank you so much, sadly my dad died 10 years ago so a while before I came out as trans. I'll never be able to tell him or help him understand, thankfully the rest of my family are supportive but it just hurts. We get a present on specific birthdays from him, my next and last one is my 21st birthday and I know it'll be meant for a girl which just hurts like Hell. And the voice is the worst! I can put on a "manly" voice but I'm in hospitality and it's hard to maintain as I haven't had any voice training, it's also really difficult as I can't put on a "customer service" voice with the "manly" voice. It's just really difficult, I'm also not allowed to correct people on my pronouns or my gender as I once got a complaint about it because the women "didn't come to be lectured on gender" all I did was tell her nicely that I used he/him pronouns but apparently that gave her the right to be rude and complain to my managers just because I wasn't comfortable with those pronouns 🙄 now I can't say anything and just have to take it, I've had people ask me in the past and still call me she/her or call me by my deadname even though they know what my name is and my pronouns, some people are just so disrespectful... It's just difficult sometimes. I appreciate this comment so much, thank you

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        • jam064

          430d

          @Abysall sorry to hear all that. Look into the discrimination rules at your work. At some companies, you could report your managers for disregarding something like that. And at some companies you can have your pronouns written on your nametag. There are voice-training lessons on YouTube (some targeted specifically for trans men), although I don't know any specific creators.

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