I'm so socially awkward and bad at talking to people that I feel I am losing what little friends and relationships I have. I feel so alone and bad at communicating that my friendships die and I can't be in relationships. I don't know how to express myself. I feel that everyone has unique connections to others but me, I feel like I'm not anyone's first choice or best friend. I feel like I'm going to die alone and it scares me how ok with that I've become. I want to quit my therapy because I feel like I don't deserve help and that my problems are stupid and small. I haven't been diagnosed and I feel like I might be just dramatic. I feel like disappearing.
You’re not just dramatic. Don’t invalidate yourself. Your feelings are really intense and plenty of cause to have a serious reaction. Be dramatic! But maybe also be dramatic in your approach to helping yourself. I started on Paroxetine for my social anxiety and it helped immensely. I’m still awkward and weird, but it’s okay because there’s nothing wrong with either of those things. If people aren’t okay with it then they’re not your people. Try to find a group to spend time with that does something you enjoy. An activity. Have you been on Meetup? You can find all kinds of group activities to meet new people. No matter how awkward you are there are definitely people out there who will want you in their lives.
Oh wow, I totally relate. Your post is refreshing because it makes me feel seen and like I’m not the only one. At work, I’m really quiet and generally only speak when spoken to. Having a conversation is very hard for me. “Conversations” for me usually consist of the other person doing 95% of the talking and me politely nodding/agreeing because I simply don’t know how to interject/contribute to the conversation. Plus at the same time, I’m becoming anxious while talking to the person because I feel like I look stupid for not saying much and I just hate the fact that the person keeps talking to me and I don’t know what to say back to them. The whole time in my head I’m super conscious of my noncontribution to the conversation even more so than I’m even really listening to what they’re saying. It’s awful. I’ve been trying to work on this for many years, but being social has never come naturally to me. I’m going to try talking to a therapist eventually. But I think overall, social anxiety is rooted in a lack of self-esteem or confidence, once we esteem ourselves highly, interacting and socializing with others won’t be such an issue or fear. I am definitely working on it. I hope this helps a little.
thank you, this makes me feel validated. I actually just started therapy and I am working through this
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