Struggling with Bipolar Depression and Life Circumstances

Thank you all for sharing your sadness with me! It is comforting in a way 😅 Although I wish none of us had to deal with these terrible things!

I have found myself in a grumpy, sobbing depressed mess as well, not making any money cause I hurt myself at work. My knee buckled and i completely tore my acl in my left knee. Its been a very painful 2 month almost 3 months. Surgery is scheduled. Im just a ball of pain. My body is falling apart and im only 47 . This can’t be my life already. 😢😭😪

Things always seem to go bad at the same time, at least for me. When it rains it pours. It’s really tough to try to think positively but I always try to think to myself that good things have got to start happening at some point. I find that looking for little positives help. Step by step one little thing at a time. If “Hey I showered today!” is all you can say for the day, that’s still something! Hang in there!

Constant suicidal ideation and body image issues, nightmares, feelings of worthlessness, and flashbacks to high school and cross country. No therapists are responding to my inquiries about appointments so I guess I suffer.

I was SA twice in high school and lost all my friends because everyone believed the abuser. Don’t know how I survived high school but I did. I couldn’t wait to leave the state and go to college on a cross country scholarship, and when I got there both of my coaches were abusing the female athletes and encouraging ED. I left college after an attempt at sewerslide and am chilling at my parent’s.

ugh i hear ya. over the last four years so much shit has happened in my life. my parents separated which was upsetting in and of itself but what made it worse was how my mom left. she told us she was leaving and we only had an hour to process before she left because she had a dentist appointment. then for 3.5 years, she lied about where she was living and with who. my dads mom passed away, then a year later his dad passed away too. i had a falling out with my mom because she kept pressuring me to meet her boyfriend among other issues. i cut contact with the rest of my moms family because i couldn’t trust them to not tell my mom anything i told them. my cousin suddenly passed away. my moms dad passed away about a year later. i was hospitalized due to a pulmonary embolism which very easily could’ve been deadly. one of my best friends moved across the country. my dad got into a relationship with a woman who clearly had an issue with me and was driving a wedge in between me and him. i finally told my therapist about the SA i experienced as a young child from an immediate family member, which is good because i’m finally working through that trauma but it has brought up so much bad stuff and really caused a decline in my mental well-being. one of my first childhood friends passed away suddenly. i’ve had a lot of loss in my life especially within the past four years. it’s rough out here

I understand. 2009 and 2013 were my worst years. In 2009 my mom died after I dropped out of college to take care of her and I was forced to move to AZ, then couldn't find a job there to save my life and my grandmother lied to my doctor, saying I threatened to kill her (I didn't, and she admitted this later after the doctor saw through the lie and let me go after a quick evaluation at the psych hospital- but she could have had me committed or even facing jail time if he hadn't seen through it- all in the name of "getting me help" because I was depressed and crying a lot and didn't want to take the meds I had previously had a bad reaction to). Not long after that, my uncle, who was a Satanist, subjected me to ritual abuse... Long story short, I got away from all of that. Things got better for a while, then 2013 happened. My grandma talked me into moving back to Prescott to take care of her. I gave up my housing and job in Phoenix to do it. The day after I got to Prescott, she threw me out on the street saying I was a whore and that I would just abandon her "again". I never abandoned her the first time. I moved to Phoenix at her request and was supposed to get a place ready to share with her and my aunt would take care of her in the meantime and then after I had moved to Phoenix, gotten a job and gotten into a serious relationship, she changed her mind and decided not to come, then got mad when I didn't instantly give it all up and come back... but eventually she talked me into coming back anyway and I really regret that, because after I got kicked out a guy I knew from church offered to help me get on my feet, but once I agreed I was tied to a camper trailer bed and forced to use meth and be a prostitute for the next four months, until he was arrested on other charges. I was sick, cold, and malnourished throughout that time and I have never completely recovered my health from that. I was pregnant and too weak to walk when I was finally rescued from that situation. I miscarried and it took months to get well enough to care for myself... but life is pretty great now. I am back in the Phoenix metro area and am now happily married with two children (and I don't speak to most of my birth family anymore). It can get pretty bad, but if you keep going it gets better.