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YaKnowTryingMyBest

648d

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life but even now with a psychiatrist, 2 therapists, and a pcp, No one can give me a more concrete diagnosis other that Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I’ve had pseudo diagnoses with borderline disorder and bipolar 2 but I don’t fit into either criteria completely. I feel like a miserable freak of nature that will never be able to get a grip on my emotions or even like myself at all. I hate myself so much.

Top reply
    • YaKnowTryingMyBest

      648d

      I appreciate the kind words, I have an extremely conflicting personality and I’m constantly fighting within myself. I feel emotions intensely but I mostly just feel the negative ones. I have intense anger, sadness, and loneliness. Some days I’m hopeful and think the future could be bright, the next day I want to hurt people physically, mentally and emotionally and then off myself. It’s an exhausting existence and I feel like a complete loser and wish life wasn’t wasted on someone like me.

    • YaKnowTryingMyBest

      648d

      I appreciate the kind words, I have an extremely conflicting personality and I’m constantly fighting within myself. I feel emotions intensely but I mostly just feel the negative ones. I have intense anger, sadness, and loneliness. Some days I’m hopeful and think the future could be bright, the next day I want to hurt people physically, mentally and emotionally and then off myself. It’s an exhausting existence and I feel like a complete loser and wish life wasn’t wasted on someone like me.

    • fabulouslyfierce

      648d

      I hope you find peace. I have a lot of similar diagnoses but there comes a point you'll look in the mirror and like yourself. I'm working on loving myself now but I had to like me first

    • SourLemons

      648d

      hey. no matter who you are, or however much hate you have for yourself, you deserve to be loved and to be happy. so... sending a hug from here to you. i'm sorry it's been so painful. i'm sorry i can't offer you a miracle solution. but i hope you know i'm glad you're here and reaching out. if you want someone to sit in that pain and frustration with you, please don't hesitate to message me. i can listen and be present; that much i think i can do. cheers ♡

      • YaKnowTryingMyBest

        648d

        @SourLemons thank you, I’m just so unhappy in almost every aspect of my life and it never seems to get better for any substantial amount of time. I’m afraid to die but I despise being alive.

        • SourLemons

          648d

          @YaKnowTryingMyBest "i'm afraid to die but i despise being alive" is a near perfect way of how i would describe my own life, too. it's a daunting, crushing wall of hopelessness, seeing how much my life has fallen the past few years and being often helpless to do anything about it. you are not alone, and i'm genuinely cheering for you. your username is pretty telling—keep trying your best. and even on days you can't muster the will to put in 100%, i'm still proud you're here.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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