Cece7

144d

So I’m married and love my husband but I keep getting random crushes on people and beating myself up over this. I feel horrible and I don’t know why my brain decides to be like attracted to someone else like that and I don’t know how to stop it from happening. It’s not like I do anything with the crush I tend to avoid the person until it dies away but either way why does this keep happening to me 😭 any ideas on how to avoid this?

acute lethargy

Depression

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  • Kuro

    143d

    This is completely normal. It happens to literally everyone (besides aromantic people I guess lol) it's nothing to beat yourself up over you're not doing anything wrong as long as you don't act on it :) in fact in my last relationship we used to talk about people we had little crushes on together since we're bi so we often liked the same people as well (it ended because we had to be apart too much because of their job so it was unrelated to this)

  • Hannah_6

    143d

    I have a Celebrity Crush named Tobias Eden Aka 4. I like what he did for my favorite movie series (Divergent). He looked out for Tris and helped her grow into a fighter. It's a good series to watch.

  • GrandLotus

    143d

    Totally normal. Don’t beat yourself up for it, though! You’re recognizing when it happens and working to end the “crush” which is good. But crushes are ok, so long as they stay that way (unless you’re partner and you discussed being ok with it going further). I’ve always thrives when I’ve had a “work wife”, a women where we’re mutually crushing but know it can’t go anywhere because we’re both married. Same is true for my wife.

  • Cece7

    143d

    Thank you everyone, you make me feel a little more normal today haha I’ve been struggling with this concept for years so definitely helps knowing others are out there who also do this. I guess it’s one of those things people are always ashamed about and won’t say anything about it so maybe it’s just everyone and I feel like the odd one out because others make they loyalty sound different than what is realistic

    • GrandLotus

      143d

      omg yes. Everyone has a wandering heart/eye. Totally normal! What would commitment even mean if you didn’t have crushes? It’s staying together despite “options” that is commitment!

      • Cece7

        143d

        that’s a good point haha

  • minnesotagirl

    143d

    It's normal. It's our basic instinct. It doesn't matter if you find yourself attracted to another man what does matter is that you still love your husband and never act on your attraction. Then it's all harmless

  • HyenaClan

    143d

    I’ve been there. I used to beat myself up over it. But being attracted to someone or developing a crush on someone who isn’t your spouse happens and it doesn’t become wrong unless you act on these feelings. Attraction is one thing but love is something deeper, it sounds like this is what you have with your spouse. Be kind to yourself, you’ve done both wrong and these crushes will pass.

  • Cheylo

    143d

    Yeah like everyone else is also saying it's natural. Me and my husband both have always said it's OK to look as long as you know you're not gonna touch. As in sometimes you're just gonna look at someone and get flustered or have a crush or even just see a random person in a coffee shop and be like WOW that's pleasing to the eyes, I like it! The brain does that, but at the end of the day I know I am going back to my husband that I love and he's doing the same. You're so very normal, everyone gets random crushes. But if it really worries you is there maybe something in your marriage that you feel is lacking? Maybe you can talk to your husband about it. My husband works out in the heat a lot and he comes home and would go to bed around 7:30 and we weren't getting to spend a lot of time together. I became upset, the need for my rock, my sanity, my confidant lead me to be really irritable and confrontational with him. Not because I was angry at him, but because I missed being able to wind down my day with him. I didn't know how to tell him that without feeling guilty because I know he's tired. I just wanted to spend some time when all he desperately wanted was some rest. But after I apologized for being snappy and told him how I felt and we worked through it and compromised a bit we worked it out and I felt a lot better. I know it's not that same kind of example but sometimes subconsciously there's something else that's the real issue and you just have to figure out where the feeling is coming from and why.

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