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MarinaV

775d

I heard my doorbell ring and I had panicked that it might’ve been someone coming in unannounced. it was a package of some of my childhood stuff, like a photo album (the only one my mom ever made for me when she mad 7 for my brother.), ornaments that would go on my parents tree, all of my childhood pictures and some of my books. nobody was at my door, just a package. I recently cut off my parents last year but had made it official in January. I think this was my moms doing. she even provided me with my US certification. I’m fortunate that she wasn’t there but I feel like this was super weird. I’m glad they’re out of my life, especially my mom but has this happened to anyone? I don’t feel out of place like I did when she last showed up but I just feel a little off

Top reply
    • Doglover25006

      774d

      I can count on one hand the amount of times I have spoken to my mother since I turned 18 (I’m 25 now). She is emotionally abusive and tried to convince me to kill myself when I was in high school. Obviously she failed since I’m here writing this but she tried for years. She wanted to control me because she couldn’t control my dad. I’ve been working with an amazing therapist after hating dozens of them over the years. She introduced me to the concept of window of tolerance with my complex PTSD from two narcissistic parents and a narcissistic brother. Sounds like you currently have a large window of tolerance and this trigger has you just a bit off balance. But the thing about your window of tolerance is it can change quickly. The smaller the window the less it takes to trigger you. Take some time to do some self care whatever that looks like for you. And give yourself permission to have whatever feelings come up. I am the first to say blood does not make family and if they do not treat us right parents have no right to our lives especially as adults when we are able to truly make that choice for ourselves. Cutting off my mom was the best thing I ever did. Sounds like cutting your parents off has been good for you. If so that’s great if that changes also great. Parents can be a great asset to us if they are good people. Find parental figures blood or not. I have two moms who are not my mom or my step mom who love and support me they way I know I deserve. I hope you can find that too.

    • Doglover25006

      774d

      I can count on one hand the amount of times I have spoken to my mother since I turned 18 (I’m 25 now). She is emotionally abusive and tried to convince me to kill myself when I was in high school. Obviously she failed since I’m here writing this but she tried for years. She wanted to control me because she couldn’t control my dad. I’ve been working with an amazing therapist after hating dozens of them over the years. She introduced me to the concept of window of tolerance with my complex PTSD from two narcissistic parents and a narcissistic brother. Sounds like you currently have a large window of tolerance and this trigger has you just a bit off balance. But the thing about your window of tolerance is it can change quickly. The smaller the window the less it takes to trigger you. Take some time to do some self care whatever that looks like for you. And give yourself permission to have whatever feelings come up. I am the first to say blood does not make family and if they do not treat us right parents have no right to our lives especially as adults when we are able to truly make that choice for ourselves. Cutting off my mom was the best thing I ever did. Sounds like cutting your parents off has been good for you. If so that’s great if that changes also great. Parents can be a great asset to us if they are good people. Find parental figures blood or not. I have two moms who are not my mom or my step mom who love and support me they way I know I deserve. I hope you can find that too.

    • Chogini

      774d

      That’s dope. Sounds like you’re doing way better. It honestly sounds like they don’t deserve your time anyway.

    • MarinaV

      774d

      they’re not really gifts. it’s stuff I had from my childhood that were already mine. I just think it’s funny how after all these years, all I got was a “sorry I’m a bad mom” and “I love you but we thought you were dead” over one fucking thanksgiving dinner that I said no to. it’s not the first one but I have boundaries. you can’t say one sorry after years. I’m kind of glad I have some of my stuff back so I don’t have to tell them that I want space again. it’s like I don’t have any work left to do lol

    • Chogini

      774d

      My step dad for a long time was verbal and emotionally abusive. For 7 years he made me feel like a burden or that my only purpose was to watch the siblings. 2 years ago he choked my mother halfway to death and broke her leg. They got a divorce and no justice was given to my mother. It’s like they know how bad they f-Ed up so they make amends by sending messages and gifts. I still don’t forgive him and it’s very anxiety inducing getting these “apologies”

    • Kida0117

      774d

      On September 2nd last year I was forced out of my mom's house. I don't like to say she kicked me out it was just heavily implied she wanted me out. I cut her off. It was all because of a homophobic post my sister made during pride Month and I called her out. My mom chose her side, I cut my mom out. On January 9th, I contacted her again and wrote a whole paragraph to her because she wrote a Facebook post about making a "Supportive Mom Group for mom's having disobedient children." Because of that I saw how she reacted to all the points I made. She twisted them and we talked about it back and forth. I thing we have a good understanding of where each other came from though after. Today I went and picked up all my information like as card and stuff. Me and her are an okay terms now and we're on a talking bassist. We need to be. I have 4 younger siblings and 3 of them don't have phones or they just don't have my number. I can assure you though, have ever you're situation ends up, things will get better. You probably hear that a lot though and are tired of people saying that, but I genuinely mean it.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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