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has anyone had an issue with not being able to talk to therapists? i’ve tried going to at least 8 different ones and i find myself unable to actually talk about the things i need to, or i suddenly don’t know how to articulate how i’m feeling. i think therapy could really help me if i can get past that, but it’s been years and seems almost impossible. i’m not sure what it is.
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Depression
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ah, I'm in a similar boat. or at least used to be? I'm honestly not sure if I've fully conquered this issue, but I've at least been able to vaguely discuss some of my trauma and bring up a coupe things I've never brought up before to any past therapist with my current one. but I'm finding myself shutting myself away more after each appointment, so I'm once again struggling to talk about anything. I'm not sure why I can't seem to open up more than a crack, and only to slam my door back shut at any acknowledgement. as a teenager, I thought it was simply because my father and grandmother (who basically acted as my mother) were involved with my therapy and therapists. so I couldn't open up about most things, as it involved them and they could possibly figure out I was "talking bad about them" (how I thought of it back then haha). which would lead to me getting in trouble and yadda yadda. but when I turned 19, I got a new therapist and coordinated everything myself. I made it clear I didn't want my father involved at all even though I was using his insurance to help in covering the sessions. she was very understanding and kept our agreement. ...but I once again found myself frozen in my seat, unable to open up. I've been through several therapists like you, some who just had to let me go because they were moving/switching practices, some who got fed up with my inability to talk and suggested I stop seeing them, some who I insisted on dropping because they weren't very nice (my first real individual therapist was the WORST... and I think that experience really hurt my ability to trust or feel comfortable with my subsequent therapists). the thought of opening up and being vulnerable with therapists (or anyone really) makes me cringe very hard. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of–what I'm afraid they'll think or what I'm afraid will happen. it's kinda just embarrassing for me honestly? I also have issues with impostor syndrome, and it flares up to an unbearable extent anytime I try to open up. because I'm just being dramatic. nothing is wrong with me, nothing happened. I'm being too sensitive and a baby. and maybe a part of me is afraid that whoever I open up to will think the same. I also think therapy could help me if I was able to be open and honest and vulnerable. but alas, I can't seem to. so I haven't gotten much out of it yet.
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They just seem to stare thru me so I don't bother anymore
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