Struggling with Bipolar Behaviors and Self-Harm

I let my emotions get the better of me and I was very violent and destructive to myself, to my boyfriend and to some of my stuff. I'm so embarrassed. I feel awful, like a true abuser. I felt like I had no control, or didn't care about the consequences and now I've traumatized my boyfriend. i even swallowed a few Zoloft to self harm. apparently bipolar behaviors is sometimes a side affect of Zoloft I'm getting the help I need right now. my boyfriend and I don't live together so I'm taking a lot of time to myself. I'm getting therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, seeing medication management, the whole 9 yards but I'm stuck in time. stuck at my absolute worst and my lowest. watching the fear and anger in my boyfriend's eyes. I keep crying randomly. I keep having nightmares and keep reliving it. I don't know what to do. I truly believe I don't even deserve an opportunity to be better. Sometimes I convince myself that I should be locked in a mental hospital away from people forever. I feel like a villain, an abuser, a mess, and a disappointment. How do I live with myself with all of this shame and guilt?