TheBigSpook

201d

Has anyone else’s sex life taken a massive hit because of their health? My husband has type 1 diabetes and chronic severe migraines, and the meds he takes to manage them make him really backed up. He says this is why he’s never in the mood. It’s been 9 months since we’ve been intimate, and it really affects my mental health. I have mental health issues already, but feeling so cut off and undesirable to my partner really takes a toll on me. We’ve had so many conversations about it and he refuses to try therapy or even couples counseling. I guess this has turned into a vent, but the question still stands. Has anyone else had to navigate a long dry spell because of health? I’m feeling lonely and frustrated.

Prolonged Acne

Depression

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • Blondieswag

    201d

    Yes!!!!! 😭

  • StrugglinMama

    201d

  • Alicia4475

    201d

    Ughh yes! Mine is bc I have endometriosis do it hurts to have sex and the few days out of the month that I'm ok, I'm not in the mood

  • SleepsAlot

    201d

    Same type of situation here ✋

  • BinoVert

    201d

    I feel so sorry your going through this. I am on the other end of that, meaning I am the one plagued with many health issues. My husband freaks out on me because I push him away. It has never been more then a month without having sex but he is the kind that wants it everyday and he has no health problems so he couldn't possibly know how I feel every day just being present and taking care of our children. I made it a point to start logging everytime we do and not letting it pass a week, so I can help him to understand that it hasn't been as long as he thinks. Have you guys tried anything other then sex to help you feel more wanted by him?

    • TheBigSpook

      201d

      We’ve also talked a lot about how to be more intimate in other ways. We both did the love languages quiz and my #1 was physical touch, but that was the LAST thing on his list. He never thinks to hug me or kiss me or cuddle, and if I ask him to cuddle he’s always watching YouTube or playing a game on his phone so he’s not actually present at all. It’s like living with a roommate that you have a crush on. I’ve been working on communicating my needs more, instead of hoping he reads my body language or my mind 😅 I used to have the highest sex drive ever when we first met. I could go 5 times a day. Now, I think I’ve just given up and accepted that I’ll be celibate until I die

      • Frapples

        201d

        when you have opposite love languages, it's so rough to keep the spark going! I'm currently navigating that with my relationship. They want to touch and cuddle ALL THE TIME and like saying cutesy pointless shit. I hate it lol. I'm more of a "I remembered you like this thing" or "I filled up your car" love kind of person. It's hard. Both people have to make a list (or mental note or whatever) of something the other person does that makes them feel loved. Then make an effort every week to hit those points. You can be wishful and be like "I wish you would do x" but it is easier to start with something they already do. Love/affection/intimacy can also be super triggering if someone is suffering with anxiety, depression, or apathetic moods. Which some medicines can cause. You can try different medications, but health&safety comes first. It's sad, but not every relationship ends from lost love. If you need something he can no longer provide, that's a reason too. If doesn't have the space to keep trying/making room for you too, that's a reason. Remember to start small, celebrate progress, be clear about boundries as they evolve, and remember you love each other. Not *just* physically. Love is an active process we choose to take on every day ❤️

  • HenriettaHeadache

    201d

    My situation is the opposite. I'm the one who has completely lost my sex drive. I suspect it's my medication. But my doctor just prescribed me Vyleesi, which is supposed to help low sex drive. I haven't had a chance to try it yet though.

  • Creator

    201d

    I have lost my sex drive for about 3 months before.

  • Terp

    201d

    ✋intercourse leaves me exhausted, achy, and shaking. I honestly can't stand it. It takes a lot for my husband to convince me to get in bed with him. It doesn't mean I dont love him though. I love him plenty, and there are a million and one other ways to tell someone you love them than just s*x. Perhaps there is other forms of physical contact that yall could do that doesn't hurt for him?

    • TheBigSpook

      201d

      the sex isn’t painful for him at all, he just doesn’t ever feel like doing it because his tummy is off or he’s sore from the gym or whatever else. It’s been 9 months of me asking for and trying to initiate physical intimacy on any scale, and him not being very interested. Even hugs, kisses, hand holding, snuggles, etc he doesn’t think to do, so a few weeks ago we had a good talk and decided we’re going to work on doing that more often. My strongest love language is physical touch but it’s the last one on his list. So I’ve been trying to do things that make him feel loved (acts of service) and he’s been trying to give me little hugs and kisses and physical touch in general. But still, the sex is missing. Lately he’s been talking flirty and says let’s have sex after this show or after dinner or when we get home, but then when that time comes he takes it back and says never mind and it doesn’t happen. I try really hard to be understanding and compassionate but it’s really frustrating to constantly get my hopes up and then get disappointed again and again

      • Terp

        201d

        Ah, I see now. Im sorry yall are going through this. I dont know what to say other than I completely understand his perspective... but I don't know how to put into words how difficult it can be to even imagine having s*x. I guess Im not being very helpful at this point... hope yall can figure out a compromise. 💕

  • DariaFae

    201d

    100% true Although if he really isn't in the mood from being backed up I feel that 100% because that's one of my major issues and why I'm not in the mood. I believe him and doesn't sound like he doesn't love you or doing anything else, unless that's your real thoughts. But with the very limited information I feel like he does love you and do desire you he's just very down and not doing well with his health or mental probably too. But either way communication is key as we all know. He needs to be able to openly talk to you. We all should be fully open yo our significant others and our selves.

  • Roperry2377

    201d

    Yes, mine has literally been 0 as of late, because I have been single for quite some time, mostly because I have avoided dating for over a decade because of severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. But to the OP, I am fairly certain that if your husband is indeed having valid migraines and not just using it as an excuse for something else (not saying he is, just being an advocate and making a point hopefully), that it could be a valid reason why he has been struggling with intimacy lately. I know a lot of times, men get a bum rap for being about nothing but 'physical attributes' when it comes to what attracts them, but something most men won't even admit themselves is that the emotional aspects of a relationship can be a lot more influential on a man than any sort of level of physical desire. If a man is simply not feeling good for something as silly as allergies, or in a bad mood/headspace because of depression, too much stress/ anxiety, or whatever he might be dealing with, he will more than likely feel "not in the mood". I recently watched a clip on YouTube where a guy was in the audience a talk show, and they were doing like random questions from the audience, and the guy asked about "things becoming cold in the bedroom", and the host answered "when was the last time you or your spouse tried preheating the oven before complaining about the lack of warmth? People are not microwaves that can just zap to full heat in seconds. More often we're like a gas stove that needs 'preheating' throughout the whole day, with things like compliments, appreciation without criticism, or other things to help him or her feel basic worth and value as a person/human being." and I was surprised how much I couldn't agree more, because even when I was lucky enough to have someone in my life who I was crazy in love with, I still hated myself when I couldn't feel romantic or intimate because of my own headspace, and not being in the right frame of mind to 'desire' them.

    • Frapples

      201d

      Yes! headspace, value, and self image are important ingredients to intimacy. Trying to force things could just add extra stress or flame the fires of anxiety/guilt from not "wanting it"

  • Porkbun

    201d

    Yes I'm sorry. There are other forms of intimacy than sexual. I know this doesn't fix it. But cuddling and kissing and talking has helped me and my bf. He has an aversion to touch and I have trauma and vaginismus that make sex most times not enjoyable or on the table

  • Saillea

    201d

    My fiance and I went a little over a year without because he has a back injury that makes things not work quite right and because I had a hysterectomy when I was 37 and was in desperate need of estrogen replacement therapy. Also, my mental health meds absolutely killed my desire to be intimate. I've since changed my mental health meds and got on estrogen but it's still a struggle. It helps a lot that he's my best friend and we truly enjoy each other's company so we're working through it. Good luck to you and yours!!

    • StrugglinMama

      199d

      I'm 36 and I think I'm going thru menopause I literally wake up drenched in sweat, haven't had a period in three months, my mood is everywhere,I'm gaining a lot of weight and I have noooo desire whatsoever to even be touched in a sexual way... Is there anything I can do to make this better😥

      • Saillea

        199d

        Oh hon....if there was a cure for menopause whoever found it would be rich. There's herbal remedies that can make the effects better but it won't get rid of it altogether. I'm 48 and I just stopped having hot flashes and mood swings this year... when I went on hormone therapy. Talk to your Dr.

  • katc

    201d

    My husband is type 2 and his meds cause issues as well. Between his meds and my fibro we can go several months before intimacy occurs. We have found other ways to say what our bodies won't let us do

  • StripedTurtle

    201d

    To be blunt...i'm 30 and am still a virgin due to all my health issues. I want more than anything to have a partner but serious health issues are a real turn off...so ya you could say it impacts not just your sex life but all parts of your life.

  • Dayze

    200d

    My guy has ED and his mental health isn't great so it makes it worse. And my trauma makes me either impossible to get turned on OR so sexually driven it could be considered an addiction. And it's hard for us to mentally understand each other even though we know these things

  • Liz93

    199d

    You deserve to have your needs met in your relationship. I can relate to both sides of this story and it does hurt bad. Both partners in the relationship must be willing to improve and keep choosing eachother. If they refuse to try to do anything about it they are not willing to meet your needs ;( there has to be a middle ground

  • Lucilou

    199d

    I have a hard time getting in the mood. My partner wants it every day. He knows it's hard for me and therefor doesn't ask. But I feel kinda shitty about going months without it.

  • ina

    199d

    i started depression around the same time i started puberty, so i was doomed from the beginning. depression and antidepressants ruined my sex life because i can't orgasm despite how annoyingly often i crave it

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