Dealing with Medical Anxiety and White Collar Syndrome

I'm going to the Id soon like when it gets close to my appointment day I get scared I cry I get nervous I hate going to the Id but I have to go when I had pneumonia when I got discharge from the hospital I made appointment the next week my appointments is always on Friday for so reason anyway idk if anyone ever heard of White Collar syndrome I have that my blood pressure goes up that have wait and retake it then it by normal. I WISH THE GUY WHO INFECTED ME SAY YES I DO HAVE IT I DON'T WANT HIM TO APOLOGIZE BECAUSE MY LIFE HAS CHANGE FOREVER IF I GET SICK AND HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL I HAVE TO TELL THE ER DOCTOR'S THEY BE WORRIED MORE ABOUT MY HIV THEN WHAT I COMING TO THE HOSPITAL FOR I SAD IT'S HURTFUL AND I WILL NEVER F THE GUY WHO INFECTED ME. IS HE IN ME WHO ELSE HE INFECTED?