Struggling with Body Image and Weight

TW: Body Image and Weight I’ve had mild issues with body image for a long time- but even more so with the number. (I have grandparent who views weight as personality trait (heavy=flaw)) Part of me knows that I should keep an amount of excess weight on when I’m healthier, in case of a sudden flare with major weight loss, but another part of me feels like I need to lose weight/stop gaining because I’m finally in an almost remission and have been gaining a bit more than my usual weight cap. I know I’m a bit chubby but I’m also not, most of the time I look at myself and don’t have an issue, but every-time someone asks for my weight at a doctor or something I feel embarrassed (I’m 5’ and 165lb) Anyone else start dealing with more body image issues when you are healthier?