junovesta

133d

i think i have autism but i literally don't know
i was born dead, completely flat lined for 6 minutes straight and because of that i have a learning disability (dyscalculia), and probably so much more caused by that, but i've gotten diagnosed with adhd, panic disorder, sensory disorder, OCD, but if i'm being honest my adhd is literally worse than itself and i genuinely feel like i am on the spectrum; i have so many stimmings, so many people all my life for 20 years have called me weird, "special", different, constantly 24/7. some of my stimmings aren't normal adhd things and here are some of them that i do everyday (or want / try to do)
blowing spit bubbles
looking at shiny / holographic / sparkly & or colorful things
shaking my leg constantly
ONLY sitting & laying in "weird" positions
looking at bright lights and then blinking a lot so i can see the "shadow" in my vision (i love doing that)
biting my nails
fake beat boxing
biting
looking at fire
chewing
touching EVERYTHING
and so much more,
for some of my sensory ISSUES i have
the sound of chewing/ drinking
touching water / doing dishes
loud abrupt noises (mostly from trauma)
multiple conversations going at once
bright LED lights
my socks need to be inside out (ever since i was 2)
clothing tags
stores, any type of stores.
being really hot
wet fabric
jeans
not having my hat on
i can't think of anything else rn but i just had to vent ab it
no one else in my family experiences any of these things or relates to them idk

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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  • JoranTal

    133d

    As someone on the spectrum, I totally understand what you are saying and I completely vibe with you because I was diagnosed at 27 yrs old. I’m 28 now. In the community, a self diagnosis is just as valid as a medical diagnosis. I recommend getting an appt with a psychiatrist to get tested for autism if it’s something you want a formal diagnosis for. Otherwise, there’s no medicine because it’s not a bad thing to be autistic. So saying “I am autistic” is going to be met with “oh, ohkay” in the medical field and in the ASD community. Also what has been helping me is fb groups for autistic adults. My favorite group is called “Adults Living with High Functioning Autism” (I don’t like the terms high or low functioning but that’s a whole other discussion). You are valid and your self diagnosis is valid and if you need to talk feel free to message me :)

    • junovesta

      132d

      i appreciate all of this validation so much, i feel like self diagnosing with autism is like disrespectful tho? because like when it comes down to it i'm really extroverted and have "lots of nuerotypical moments" but more divergent leaning, like if i were to self diagnose and then finally be able to somehow get the appointment and it comes back that i somehow don't have autism i would feel fake and grossed out with myself it's just so weird for me idk i wish i could just find something with like "if you have these you have autism" but whenever i have it says bad social skills, introverted, and other things i don't relate to but then relate to EVERYTHING else

      • JoranTal

        132d

        I totally get it. That was my problem too. However, those stereotypes were made studying young boys diagnosed with autism a long time ago. The world has changed. Also, previously (recently) it was thought that the spectrum aspect was linear. With one end being “not autistic” and the other being “more autistic”. But it’s actually a whole different neuro type. Your brain (our brains) are literally wired differently. The spectrum now has a new graph which will be helpful for you. https://themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-spectrum-wheel Also, most of us are self diagnosed. It is not at all disrespectful.

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