Struggling with Substance Use and Bipolar Disorder

honestly i don’t really want advice i just wanna know if anyone with bipolar relates bcoz for me that helps me be less scared. sometimes i fear ill just end up being a junkie drug addict. smoked weed 24/7 for about a year, couldn’t leave the house sober, couldn’t eat sober and i couldn’t socialize sober. i got prescribed adderall and stopped smoking but it just happening all over again but like worse bc it’s literally a schedule 2 drug.. don’t get me wrong it helps a lot and i am so much more motivated and healthy than before but i just feel like it’s wrong to depend on it. that fear just mentally exhausts me. it went from taking it 1-3 times a week now it’s every singe day. i just tell myself i’m stronger than drugs and when i wanna stop i will (ik that’s what everyone says) but i had a nicotine phase, an alcohol phase and the weed thing and got over those quickly coz i just get bored and find something new. i don’t think i struggle with 1 drug specifically like some ppl do i think i literally just can’t handle being sober and it doesn’t matter what it is ill take it.