Struggling with Pain, Loneliness, and Depression

i pray that God talks to me. and help make all this make sense. im trying to talk to him. or talk like im the creation talking to the creator. believe that he loves me and wants to heat me talk to him. i dont understand alot of it. of what ive been through. and i dont know why ive been through it. so much embarrassment shame pain depression lonliness and sadness. theres so much of it. so much misery… im glad i can get this off my chest and maintain some anonymity. i wouldnt like posting this on instagram. im home alone but sometimes when im alone i pray out loud. i dont want to do any of this alone anymore. i dont want to be alone anymore. i dont want to e in constant pain anymore. i dont want to lose myself. i dont want to emotionally eat anymore. i dont want to gain weight anymore. i dont want to wake up depressed anymore. i dont want to feel loneliness or feel alone anymore. i dont want to feel constant mood swings anymore please protect me from that