I fucked up royally. this guy who used me for his pleasure has a birthday today, 10-17. he's turning 22 today. he made me feel so happy and loved and I truly loved him. but I never wanted to date him, I wasn't ready and was scared. he told me he wasn't ready to date, yadda yadda, the works. but I promised to send a card to him on his birthday. he apparently changed his number so I sent the card to a random person by text, and I sent it on reddit because I saw he blocked me on his main account. I'm having horrible anxiety because I hate him and don't want him contacting me. but I still care and like him and didn't wanna break my promise. am I a bad person? I keep crying and feeling his hands all over my body again, im scared, I hear the words he told me in the intimate moment and it freaks me out. he's been on my mind all day and I feel like im going to puke. I'm sorry for the long post, I dont know what to do, im trying to calm down but now I'm scared he might try to contact me.