See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

daisybear

660d

Recently I have been struggling with my faith. Mainly why does the higher being that made us also made illnesses? mental and physical, why have illnesses at all if he/she/they really loved us unconditionally? nothing makes sense to me anymore.

Top reply
    • Anxiousboarderline

      660d

      TW: suicide I grew up kinda catholic, but after facing many traumas, my mom getting cancer and then diagnosed with a degenerative disorder and even more trauma and hardship I have lost all faith. Why would the higher being make my life so miserable and traumatic and make my mom so sick. “God gives hardships to those he knows can handle it” is bullshit in my eyes. I can’t handle it. I have two suicide attempts, C-PTSD, severe depression and anxiety and Boarderline. If “god”loves me so much and “has a plan for me” why would he make my life hell

    • Arctic

      660d

      I struggled with this for years. I grew up in a strict Baptist community. Went to a christian school for 10 years, went to church every Wednesday and Sunday during those 10 years plus some more, etc. I want to clarify that I'm not angry at you or any other religious people other than the specific ones I grew up with who hurt me. I'm simply describing how I came to believe what I believe and give my point of view. if you and others find comfort in religion, I'm glad for you!! I am simply incompatible with such a thing. that being said, I just realized after typing all this that the things I typed may be triggering, especially to those with religious trauma. please keep yourselves safe!! you have no obligation to read any of this! They also taught us that god doesn't intervene because he values free will. but I eventually came to the conclusion that if he even exists, I don't Want to support and give my life to a being that values "free will" above happiness, that allows things that have absolutely no connection to humanity's free will to happen, that values and prioritizes others' free will over another group's, etc. If someone mortal was like, I'd despise them. I never felt loved by god or "his people". I was shamed for being scared and having normal questions. I never felt like god ever answered me or talked to me like how my teachers and pastors growing up described would happen. I was told to try harder, to believe harder, to pray harder. Maybe I just wasn't a "real" Christian. I was told to be grateful for every awful thing that would happen to me, that I wasn't allowed to feel bad or complain because other less fortunate people had it worse. I played lots of sports growing up, and if I was injured, I had to literally force myself to complain to someone about it because it was that ingrained into me. Growing up like that, I associate love with fear and death. Well to be more honest, I don't believe in unconditional love. They told us stories of missionaries having guns to their head where the ones holding the guns asked them if they were Christian. The missionary would be spared if they lied and would be shot if they told the truth. We were expected, as kids, to look death in the face and welcome it if god handed it to us. If we were to have lied in the situation, we had just betrayed god and should feel guilty and bad about it. Why is every awful thing in the world contributed to humanity as karma for sinning, but every amazing thing in the world contributed to god as a blessing and an act of love and mercy? Why did everyone give god all the credit when I did something extraordinary growing up and put all the blame on me when I failed at something? Why does god say to honor your parents but nothing about honoring your child? Why does god value free will so much but sends people who exercise that free will to hell to suffer for all eternity? There is no free will being given with the choice of "Worship me or die". I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. it's quite hard to not sound harsh and serious when talking about trauma haha. again, I'm not angry with you or other religious people that have never hurt me directly. I hope you find an answer on your own terms with this.

    • Anxiousboarderline

      660d

      TW: suicide I grew up kinda catholic, but after facing many traumas, my mom getting cancer and then diagnosed with a degenerative disorder and even more trauma and hardship I have lost all faith. Why would the higher being make my life so miserable and traumatic and make my mom so sick. “God gives hardships to those he knows can handle it” is bullshit in my eyes. I can’t handle it. I have two suicide attempts, C-PTSD, severe depression and anxiety and Boarderline. If “god”loves me so much and “has a plan for me” why would he make my life hell

      • daisybear

        660d

        @Anxiousboarderline I brought it up to my therapist today. She said if God intervened then there would be no free choice. We have free choice for a reason. It's not God or the devil, it's the people's choice. But it's easier to blame God. Idk if that helps or gives you a different look.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion