Derrick707

141d

Does anyone else just get so lonely? I'm single and I'm trying to be patient about waiting for the right girl, but it's just so hard. And I don't really have any close friends I hang out with often. I only really spend time with my parents and they're older and don't want to do the same things I want to do.

Bipolar Disorder

Schizophrenia

Complex post traumatic stress disorder

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  • Power

    137d

    That sounds exactly like what I’m dealing with. I don’t really have any close friends either. Plus, I’ve been waiting a long time for the right girl. The advice that I give myself is that patience is a virtue, don’t give up.

    • Derrick707

      135d

      thank you for sharing. I try to tell myself that too. It's just so hard to be patient. Especially when everyone around you is having kids and getting married, which has been my situation

  • Orianna

    133d

    I live with family so I suppose I'm never really alone, but sometimes it still feels lonely. It's not their fault, they're very supportive, but sometimes it feels like they don't really understand what it fees like... and it can be a bit alienating when dad says that my failures (like stop taking my meds that first semester of college) are really his failures because he knew what would happen but he had to let me do it anyway, but now he feels he shouldn't have. He tells me I'd be off making 6 figures doing world-changing math or whatever, if only I wasn't schizophrenic... I also had this friend who was convinced that even though I told him the meds got rid of the hallucination, my day to day life experience is the same as what other people get from mushrooms, like I'm walking around constantly tripping. It's hard enough uprooting your life at age 33, leaving your spouse and moving to another state, having to make new friends. But when your closest friends treat you as being some Other - even if it's not in a mean way - it can make you feel that you can be their friend and love them with all your heart but that there will always be some fundamental divide between you and them, a glass wall you can't scale. All of this can make a gal lonely from time to time. Covid kind of scattered my friend group. But I do at least get to see my boyfriend because he loads up his gas guzzling van and drive 35-40 mins to fetch me every weekend and then again to take me home after which I know is not cheap and I gotta say, things are looking pretty good on the loneliness front too. He doesn't make me feel like my brain's operating system is fundamentally different than his. Even though we've had different like experiences and made different choices in life, we can still relate well to eat other and teach each other all kinds of stuff we didn't know. He never accuses me of running around tripping all the time and he doesn't act like I'm some fragile, breakable doll that needs kid glove handling. He treats me with respect and I treat him with respect, so really, he and mama are the only two people in my life that don't constantly remind me I'm broken or different. But even mama is pretty blunt about the fact that I'll never be self-supporting no matter how hard I try. It's hard, finding a niche when you're schizophrenic, bipolar, or both. Not even others going though the same types of problems as us are enough to alleviate that loneliness because we're all so distracted by our own illnesses that we don't always mesh like you'd think we would... but it's a really good place to start. You can work on your people skills and get a support structure all at the same time. But when you feel you're ready to go out in the world with the "normal" people, I recommend finding a group hobby. If you're craft-minded, maybe a sewing/quilting circle. If you like reading, maybe a book club. If you love to eat and cook, a culinary class. Something that you love to do that can help you bond to others while allowing you to do something productive. You could try going to bars and clubs to pick up people but in my experience the people you meet there are probably the sort that will leave you feeling alienated and more lonely by the end of the relationship (if the relationship lasts more than one night). But even that's not 100% I mean, if there's live music for example, you can befriend other people who are there to listen to the music and bond over that. Also, though this isn't a hard-and-fast rule, it's been my experience that though there's nothing wrong with polyamory and many people have multiple partners and date many different people (I tried this for a while), being monogamous does have one advantage that I've found helps a lot with the feelings of loneliness. I mean, if you're with 3 or 4 or 5 or 20 other people and you're still lonely, it feels like you're the problem, that you're doomed to always feel lonely no matter how many people you add into the mix (on the other hand, if you try it and you're not lonely, it may just make you feel extra loved, so I'm not advising against trying a poly setup). But the premise behind poly is that you can't have all of your needs met by a single person so why not have more than one, to address all your needs? But if you extend that thinking into monogamy, you become keenly aware of your value to the person you're with because you know they're giving up things to be with you and vice versa. In other words, you're so important to them that they'd rather be without those things that without you, and I know for damn sure how much that cuts back on the loneliness, knowing you're valued so highly. But first you gotta get out to meet people. Go forth and meet people who like the same hobbies as you, whatever they are, or try maybe a karaoke place. You could try a bar or club if none of that sounds appealing. A support group for mental health is a good starting place.

    • Derrick707

      133d

      thank you for sharing your story!

      • Orianna

        132d

        yw. Sorry it's so long. I'm working on that issue, trying to be more brief.

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