TheOnlySneezles

11d

I don't know if I want my partner to come over, we are meant to be going to the gym Saturday but I'm afraid that his hygiene isn't getting better, that he will be against me going to this gym class when we go, and be waiting around because I do quite a lengthy workout. I've already told him what I do.

he's been like "can you show me what to do on an Elliptical trainer" - I'm not being funny but you can watch someone whilst walking past or Internet...Like I will show because I go on it anyway.

also "Will I enjoy this class?" - Why don't you join and find out...Your experience will be different from mine...

It feels like he's like a lost puppy in this, especially food shopping and cooking too. This makes me feel like I'm doing everything in this relationship, and reminds me of my previous relationship...which sent me into a serious depressive episode where I was extremely suicidal...

Depression

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Anxiety (Including GAD)

View all
  • bandtrashed

    11d

    If you haven't tried taking to them about this issue, you should have a serious sit-down and figure it out. If this continues or has been talked about before, bring it up again. There are only so many times you can say/try to fix something before you start to hurt yourself. I had a relationship like that and it ended up becoming super toxic, once I ended it I felt a lot better and wasn't as paranoid about things. If you need anything, feel free to message me <:

    • TheOnlySneezles

      11d

      I have...I've told him all the issues, and he said regarding his hygiene "Oh...I didn't know it was that bad" I mean...not changing your underwear and smells of urine and sweat...you've got to realise that's not right...I told him I'm happy to help cook etc. But not be the sole person to do everything. I'm also happy to teach him things but he needs to be independent at times...It just reminds me of my previous relationship and I don't want it to turn into it...

      • bandtrashed

        10d

        Maybe offer to take a break or just end things completely. You shouldn't have to be a parent in the relationship, especially if you are getting flashbacks to your past bad relationship.

      • HocusFocus

        10d

        it sounds like a good time to end it

  • Skylarkbard

    11d

    It's not your job to be his parent. This is negatively affecting multiple areas of your life, and you deserve better.

    • TheOnlySneezles

      11d

      Exactly, I'm his partner, not his mother. I shouldn't have to do everything. But every relationship its been the "woman" to do everything, and when I try and be resilient, it ends up being me to blame for not doing something.

  • HocusFocus

    11d

    I totally agree here. I've been in similar situations, talk to them. There has to be a give and take in relationships and it sounds like he's all take. Try and open and honest conversation and if that doesn't work? I'd recommend doing what's best for you. If it's ruining your mental health? I always leave. I try but when it gets to my breaking point, I leave. You deserve someone to spoil you. My guy and I fought a few days ago and I said some hurtful things but the difference from my past relationships and this one is he was never upset with me. He fought for me to at least hear him out and we talked. See when we fight? I never feel scared because he's totally calm. Never mad at me. Just makes me feel special and like I'm the most important person in the world. He constantly tells me how amazing I am and is there for me and I make sure he's happy too. We're equals. There for each other but one of us isn't doing everything. We both decide on everything important and talk out everything. No matter how hard. I get treated like royalty and that should be everyone's hexperience. I asked him to be patient with me because I'm new to this, he said of course and that he loves me. Complimented me. That's what you deserve too. Everyone deserves someone who makes them feel good and pushes them to be their best. Is great for their mental health instead of ruining it. He's pushing me to accomplish my goals and achieve my dreams in life and I'm helping him on tips to use his new degree when getting a job. That's real love. Mutual respect. Mutual friendship. Mutual trust. Mutual loyalty. Remember that. You matter. You are worth it and deserve something amazing. You deserve all that life has to offer. It's not your job to be his caregiver. It's your job to be his equal. I'd be different if let's say he taught you to cook and you taught him the gym but that doesn't mean doing everything. If he wants to cook or shop? He should learn himself. I've been where you are. I understand how you feel. Just remember your only responsibility is to yourself. If he wants to be better? That's on him. He has to put in the effort. You can't do it for him. Choose yourself. Love yourself. You deserve it.

    • TheOnlySneezles

      11d

      Its like he hasn't been told what to do, with his hygiene, how to cook, how to clean etc. He expects someone to teach him. All he does at home is isolate himself in his room and won't socialise with others. Claims he doesn't have friends but he does, but doesn't want to see them. After I cooked the curry all on my own and he just stood there, he said "Oh...let's cook together" I just got seriously pissed off because he just stood there, followed me like a lost puppy round the shops...I've tried to get him to understand but I don't think he is going to. Sadly, I don't feel much of love towards him, its always kinda been like that...my previous relationship has completely killed my emotions, and even feeling basic emotions is impossible. I don't know why I decided to get into another relationship when I think I have near to no interest anymore.

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