I can relate friend 😥. When did it start first?

hey thank you for your support! Hmmm for a while now probably more with the full on panic attacks since I was 16 I have struggles with this and when I wud tell ppl about it they would look at me like they never had that so I felt very like there was something wrong with me doctors just say it's strange for my age and they don't know why just say anxiety I feel like it's ptsd related too and like childhood trauma I think but idk where certain things stem from😕 it's hard to figure it out by urself

Like a lot of the time it's either I'm dwelling on it for hours or I wake up and for like 1 min it all hits and it so horrible and I start crying and then it goes away but the longer time I'll cry for hours wishing I wasnt born so I don't have to face it and I want to accept death before I die idk if I can and will not enjoy life by stressing from it

Also I fight with feelings of suicide and wanting to die and then sometimes I get scared and have death anxiety 😕 I don't know why