Struggling with Family Issues and Depression

I am completely alone in this world. My family don't even believe that i have a problem because im so good at hiding my emotions So i let alot of things Slide because i dont like the anger side of me but theres a limit to how much i can take & whatever i had bottled up for months or even years comes bursting out & i become this cold hearted person & then im seen as a crazy person. I dont talk to any of my Moms side of the family, both my Brothers, & my Dad/Stepdad because they expect me to apologize for everything thats not even my fault. I can be really petty when i need to & the main thing is my mom would put me & my siblings against eachother & somehow IM THE ONE AT FAULT! i can't even work because i cant stand being around other people i get triggered easily & get all panicky because im not a horrible person & trying so hard to control myself Im so depressed i dont even leave my room Like all i think about is just ending my life but the one thing that prevents me from doing that is my Niece&Nephew i love them like my own & i would do anything for them & i have proven that many times, i dont want them growing up without knowing what love feels like because my family was never good at showing eachother love maybe thats why i have never made good decisions my entire life. Im only here for them but i feel im slowly losing the battle