Struggling with Drug Addiction and Diabetes

Guys. I don’t know what to do. I am a daily methamphetamine user with type 2 diabetes (non-compliant) and have BPD. I am only 31 and I am scared to death to go to an endocrinologist because I know that my drug use has just been fuel to my fire. I am having issues with urination due to dehydration and I definitely have early stages of neuropathy in my feet….I thought I could cold Turkey the drugs, but I cannot. I am finally accepting that I need to go to detox…followed by IOP…I’m already so scared to go through detox, but the fact that I will be forced to be compliant with my sugars is really bothersome to me. I kind of am just feeling sorry for myself because it’s just not fair. So I gotta give up drugs and carbs/sugar??? Waaah. I am the most miserable I have ever be. My teeth have been hurting for an entire year and I’m blessed enough not to have broken any yet…I wish I had self-worth and was more determined rather than apprehensive about getting sober this time around. Oh and btw, I have an almost 5yr old son who lives primarily (5 nights a week) with his dad for obvious reasons but he starts preschool next week! I want to live a full life - close the 15yr addiction chapter and learn to manage my diabetes. Then be the best mom I can be….I just realized I I’m rambling, but I’m grateful for whoever read my whole post :) *hugs*