Emrys.the.warrior

288d

Does anyone have advice on dealing with ablism from family and friends?
I finally told my mom I’m going to get a mobility aid and after a while talking she did pay for it but there was so many ableist comments.
She even said people wouldn’t want to be seen with me if I look disabled… it hurt so much I just cried. She says things a lot and often gets defensive when I point it out.

Joint pain

Generalized pain

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  • Chaotic._.Bug

    288d

    Honestly, you shouldn't have to "deal with" the ablism. The things she says aren't something you should put up with. Being disabled isn't anything to be embarrassed about. I struggle a lot with using mobility aids and how people will see me, but you shouldn't. Call her out and if she doesn't listen, then I'd say that's her loss yk?

  • wise

    288d

    remind yourself that they're dumb and don't know anything, that every type of person exists and there will be people who do not care that you're visibly disabled and will still hang out with you

  • loveshespoke

    288d

    I have had to make it about educating my family members who don't get it so that it hurts less

  • MJ17

    288d

    My parents are weird about my platform crutches and calling me disabled and stuff. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too!

  • Chroniclyme

    288d

    I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I too have been thinking of getting a mobility aid because I am literally limping from the hip pain I have been experiencing. But I fear people looking at me differently, pittying me, or treating me differently because suddenly I look just as disabled as I feel. I don’t expect people to understand why I do or do not use mobility aids and it scares me and idk why.

    • Emrys.the.warrior

      287d

      exactly! It feels like I’ve been hiding how bad my health has been and now it’s going to be the first thing people notice when they see me. The cross from invisible disability to visible is such a rough transition

      • Chroniclyme

        287d

        for sure. I definitely hear you. Well you can chat with me to commiserate any time lol

      • offthebeatenpath

        287d

        only you know what you need and when you need it. I need mobility aids sometimes and not others. That gets confusing for family and I've heard some remarks. But I remind myself that they don't live in my body. I do. Me, and only me. And I don’t want to have to live with any more pain or limitations than I absolutely have to. Fortunately, my husband is my biggest cheerleader and he is helping me find a new mobility aid right now that will help me feel freer, in less pain, and able to enjoy getting out more when I want to. If you don't have a cheerleader like that in your corner, I will cheer you on! And there are times you will have to cheer for yourself. Only you know, so only you get a say. Period.

  • BumbleBees

    287d

    I’ve considered getting one for a while. I’ve wanted a cane for the longest because I struggle to walk so much, and my knees/legs constantly hurt. But every time I’ve even mentioned it I get laughed at and told I don’t need it. They make me feel like I’m over exaggerating even though I know I’m not. Some days I can’t even get out of bed and I’ve literally had to be carried before because I couldn’t walk right , yet no one thinks I need an aide.

    • ivylee

      287d

      absolutely get one, friend! it sounds like a mobility aid would only make your life easier, and avoiding triggers for your illness is important! if people give you shit for doing what is best for your health, you can take the time to try and educucate them, or you can save some spoons by choosing to no longer include them in your journey.

  • ivylee

    287d

    i feel you. i mentioned to my mom that i was thinking about buying a walking stick, and without hesitation she said "don't buy one, you don't need it". she's also outright told me that i'm not disabled. meanwhile, we live three hours apart and see each other once every couple months, so how would she know, right? she and my dad just cannot accept the fact that i'm ill and disabled, because in their ableist mindset they think that means i've given up or that i'm undeserving of love and support. ableism from family is so tough.

  • Kish

    287d

    I have used “The Spoon Theory” method to explain my pain levels as well as my fibro levels. It has helped others understand if the choose to listen. If you don’t know what The Spoon Theory is. Google it.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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