Earlier this year I was trying to work on my social skills. So I checked out a bunch of books from the library, but they were all for people with autism. I was so frustrated because I was like, why aren’t there books for “normal” people?
I did read a bit of some of the books and I really identified with the struggles they were talking about. So I decided to do more research and over the past months I’ve realized that it seems likely that I have asd.
I have an appointment with my primary doctor to get a referral to get tested. I’m still struggling with it though. I feel like if I get tested and it turns out I don’t, I’ll feel like an idiot/asshole for thinking I do.
As an adult, I don’t think knowing will make my life easier really, but it’s more that I want to know the answer. I’ve only told my best friend, therapist, psychiatrist, and case worker that I’m going to get tested. I haven’t said anything to my family because I don’t know how they’ll react. I’m worried they’ll think I’m overreacting.
I watched a video where a woman went to get tested and brought her husband who was able to help by providing observations about her. I know that if I’m able to bring someone, I’d bring my mom because I remember fuck all from my childhood, and I think it would helpful to have her perspective.
And if it turns out I do have asd, I’m not sure if/when/who I’ll tell in my family. Like, what’s the point? I don’t know. Any words of comfort or advice are appreciated.