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Struggling with the Goldilocks Idea in Relationships and Self-Perception

SunInAugust

709d

Does anyone else struggle with the Goldilocks idea in their relationships and view of self? Often everything in my life feels like its too much or too little. Too little or too much stimulation, too much or little food, too much or little socializing. I feel that way about my friendships and myself, too. I feel like sometimes my friends are too much or too little or that im too much or too little. It feels so rare to find a moment of contentment where everything feels balanced. And for the longest time I thought it was a boundary issue. But more and more it seems so connected to the way everything feels.

2

14

14

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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    • Sunshine.Moondust

      707d

      I didn’t know I related to this until I read this. Omg.

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    • Sunshine.Moondust

      707d

      I didn’t know I related to this until I read this. Omg.

      1

      Reply
      • SunInAugust

        707d

        @Sunshine.Moondust I've been trying to word it for a while. Theres been so much learning about my true self after being diagnosised

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    • ParanoiaK

      709d

      I relate to this too much.

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      Reply
      • SunInAugust

        709d

        @ParanoiaK i just want to feel like my relationships and myself are 'enough ya know?

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    • kaytee2020

      709d

      ✋

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      • SunInAugust

        709d

        @kaytee2020 does anything help you with this feeling?

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    • rebelflamingo

      709d

      I can also relate to that feeling, for me there is usually a sense of shame that comes with it, is that a shared experience? One thing that I have been trying to ground myself when I feel like this is to try to think of my reality and environment in the most objective way possible, as if you were to perfectly describe the Goldilocks idea and the related feelings to a different person and they were to rephrase it in an objective or unbiased way. Usually this helps me at least to be gentler with myself and my well-being. It gets a lot easier to maintain the mindset after a little while. And truly I have never felt well balanced in this regard even now, but I feel closer to baseline if that makes sense.

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      • SunInAugust

        709d

        @rebelflamingo can you give me another example of the reframing? I want to understand better

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        • rebelflamingo

          707d

          @SunInAugust (oh god i’m bad at examples but i’ll do my best) so think of it this way: a close friend tells you that they feel something similar. they explain in detail that everything is either extremely overwhelming or extremely underwhelming, and it switches between the two. if you analyze the friend’s situation, you would realize that it’s unlikely that their environment and relationships are changing constantly to conform to the Goldilocks idea. You would likely try to help your friend realize that the objective state of their reality, what is truly going on around them, is there actually an environmental or social concern, and what the feeling is stemming from. Hope this helped! I have a hard time with explaining things and examples

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      • rebelflamingo

        709d

        @rebelflamingo trying to do to ground myself* (typing error)

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    • alien.420

      709d

      I relate to this so much tbh

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      • SunInAugust

        709d

        @alien.420 I think its possible to work on my insecurities, pursue secure relationships, and work on my emotional regulation tools. But I'm not convinced ill ever feel a settled medium sort of contentment as often as a neurotypical person.

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        • alien.420

          709d

          @SunInAugust Yeah I get that the happy medium just seems so amazing yet impossible

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      • SunInAugust

        709d

        @alien.420 im beginning to think searching for a happy medium isn't gonna be possible in a brain that often feels and thinks on opposite sides of extremes - all or nothing.

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        Reply

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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