Wintie

220d

Hello, it's been a while.. I haven't been feeling too social lately and just disconnected.. So, today, it's been a hard day since I got re-traumatized earlier today. I went to college to have an appointment with a wellness cordinater, and it did not go as well as I thought. I pretty much felt like I was reprimanded for coming back again to "feel better" and I was upset again. I went there to have someone listen to me and support me, but I felt backlashed. They literally reminded me of my middle school guidance counselor because both have said it's been my fault and I'm lying... (I guess??) I was very upset that she told me that I'm not a functioning adult and I should be because I'm 19.. I get that but honestly I'm trying to figure it out but I'm very lost and I'm trying to learn. They also said if I said something negative then they would argue back with me to say it's not true which I thought was weird..? I also got told, that the hard reality is that people die and it happens... just offended me because literally my grandfather died and it's not okay to take time to grieve. I felt that was really insensitive of her. Even if I wasn't close to him, it still affects me.. I literally just wanted to talk someone to listen for a little bit and not be condemned?? They also said to me that I can't complain about anything because I don't do anything or even to go to school.. maybe that's true..? I don't know anymore.. I just felt ignored and a lost cause, and that I'll never be a functioning adult.. I just feel more lost than ever and alone, and that everything is my fault. Just hurts a lot.. I feel so unheard and condemned for feeling the way I have been and been acting..

Depression

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  • KittenShey

    220d

    I kinda understand the thing with your grandpa. My old roommate at one point told me not even a month after my dad died that I shouldn't have any feelings about it at all because she was over her friends death in a week. It feels so invalidating but I promise you your feelings and grief are valid. It's now been a year and a half since my dad past and it still greatly affects me

  • LilSkittlez

    220d

    I understand your struggle with grieving as well. I had a dog for 15 years and she passed away in my room in my husband's arms not even a month ago. I felt like no one understood considering she is a dog and not a human. I have had to shut off my grief due to Adulting because that's the only way I could go back to my PTSD/anxiety triggering job not even a week after she passed. People don't understand fully until they've experienced it. Even then, everyone experiences things in their own way. I think holding space and acknowledging that helped to be more patient with myself and not to allow others comments to cut as deep. I hope this helps & I'm sorry for you loss 💝💕

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