Dealing with Flashbacks and Betrayal in my CPTSD Journey

I’m new in my CPTSD journey. I have a lot of sexual trauma from a past relationship. I’m a lesbian and I’ve faced so much invalidation from both myself and the world from being SA by a female. I’ve also recently had memory resurgences of SA from an old friend of mine. I keep having flashbacks and breakdowns and I’m not sure how to control these strong feelings of betrayal and vulnerability. It all hurts so much. I feel so helpless during these episodes. Just recently this ex reached out to me and sent this novel length text telling me everything that’s wrong with me as well as saying she did nothing wrong to me. She explicitly stated she did not sexually assault me. That really messed with my head. I can’t escape the moments I shared with her. They haunt me every day. I just want to find more moments of peace. New to this app, this is my first post