Struggling to Fit In: My Experience with Autism and Socializing

I am SO happy for my autism diagnosis, but honestly right now I wish I was neurotypical... Every time I'm in a group chat with friends it starts out small, and things are great and I can be myself and people laugh and I feel valued. But then eventually the group gets bigger and I feel worthless. I try to be myself, send things that I find humorous that previously made people laugh, try to send memes, whatever I can because it's my main way doing social things. But like today I sent things that previous patterns told me would be appreciated or make someone laugh and literally the entire chat went silent other than a 😐 emoji. I'm trying so hard, but practically every time a group chat gets people who I'm not familiar with, or I join an already large group with people I'm not close to, I make everything awkward. I'm so happy I have my diagnosis... but I guess today I just wish I could be NT. I wish I could be normal and have social skills and know what I'm doing right or wrong and understand why things get so awkward when I try to use patterns from the past to help decide what to say in the chat. I wish I knew what I was doing. I hate feeling like group chats would be more fun without me in them...