JosephOpalLover

161d

recently I've been feeling a lot of emotional detachment and part-time connecting to my emotions maybe it's just me and maybe it's what I'm going through right now I'm having a very challenging time in my life and I've been diagnosed with over 9 different conditions for mental health ranging from c-ptsd PTSD a d h d TRD PDF nos you get the idea I've been dealing with a lot of Home issues that are out of the normal my father that was very abusive recently got a significant amount of brain damage and when he got the brain damage he apparently had a small case of dementia building which I noticed for a very long time and I was never able to take action or I had any support from doctors or at home with relatives and it accelerated dementia so now he's not only severely brain damaged he also can't remember anything and it's pretty hard because this happened so quickly like overnight because it was pretty bad I even found him near death with barely a pulse and cold to the touch all my mother kept saying is he was faking it when he was sick because my father was very mentally ill and always either exaggerated or made up stories but I now realize that was probably the dementia building and my mother just had a pure hatred for my father even though he never laid a hand on her and he punched out my teeth before I don't fault her for hating my dad I fault my family for not listening to me and treating me like the special needs kid instead of respecting my viewpoint and maybe take into my words into consideration I just came here to vent and maybe have somebody to talk to because I don't really have a lot of friends cuz I was homeschooled my whole life and when I was a teenager I lost the use of my left hip permanently and now suffer from chronic pain every single day I hope one day this emotional likeness will go away as I found somebody I really care for it and want to pursue a relationship with hopefully or at least just be friends that go hang out sometimes we have a lot in common and I wish I could savor it more but since I've developed this emotional blankness love it doesn't even feel the same maybe it's my new medication maybe it's because I had too much medication at one point but I pray it's not brain damage because every day I develop so much anxiety because I'm worried about my own brain and my medications because they have so much stigma around it but I need it just to get through a day mentally and physically I'm on currently 13 different medications and I pray I never end up in that state like my father and I hope I have a very long feeling life with good friends and stuff my whole point of making this post was to reach out for support and know that I'm not alone and possibly this emotional blankness will subside or get better over time as I really want to enjoy this relationship I'm building with this wonderful person that I have true feelings for even though it's hard to feel them right now I know that I'll never find somebody like this ever again that has near identical interests and wants to pursue the same type of career in art that I do and not only that is obsessed with the same style of art deco that I'm into and in my opinion she does a way better job than I do but I hope I can build up the courage one day so I can ask her to hang out with me I always go to the store where she works at and always try to talk to her and it seems to work she always tries to get in a time to speak with me while I'm there and I never try to bother her when she's busy but I never really got the courage to ask her out as I've never really had a real relationship like that anyways that's the summary of my last year of my life hope somebody out there can help me feel better and have some sort of security of mind if that makes any sense

Dementia

Feeling of choking

Depression

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  • SourLemons

    161d

    hey bud. i just want to say that you're so strong for pushing through all of these difficult circumstances in life and sticking to the hopes you have. i'm happy you have someone in your life to lean on and that you're here reaching out for help. keep doing that, you're doing great. you said in your post that you're writing all of this in essence to look for support. i'm younger and prolly less experienced than you in many ways, but i'll still be cheering for you from afar and will be here if you ever need someone to vent to. ♡

  • JosephOpalLover

    159d

    Thank you so much for your kind words I really picks up my day. Some days are better than others lately but been a real rough patch for the last 8 months because of this situation whole reason I join this app. Don't typically like talking about my problems cuz in my household they're not taking too seriously but it's nice to know that others can see that there's some weight for how I feelings. And I'll definitely take you up on that when am feeling the need to speak to someone.

    • SourLemons

      159d

      of course..! glad i got to read your post, respond, and give something positive back to you. i feel you on people not taking our very real problems and struggles seriously—that hurts. i have best friends and immediate family who've done that throughout my life. i don't feel very loved in those moments. your emotions are valid and it's awesome you're self-aware enough to seek help and desire genuine connections. oh also, it's super dope want to do art!

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