Struggling with Depression and Self-Harm

I feel myself getting bad again. I smile but with no happiness, I laugh at times but then I feel tears and overwhelmed. I'm not even hungry anymore but I'm eating bc I have to. I don't even want to do anything but I'm doing it bc I have to. I just want to give up, but I can't do that to the people I love. I go to work and its irritating at times but I deal with it, then I come home and its just the same thing. I'm getting so tired of just being blamed and criticized for things I didn't do. I'm exhausted from everything but when I try I just can't until its super late. it's getting harder to just survive. I want to hurt myself but I'm also hurting others. its weird I feel like no one cares or everyone hates me, but here I am making sure I don't hurt them with my actions. I know there's a lot of buts in this post, sorry for that.