Bullied my whole life and now I can't leave my room

this isnt a question but.....i was bullied my whole life pretty much and to make things worse was the fact that i had no one that would stick up for me......every single time. it started with my parents getting a goat (we lived on a farm) but this goat hated me. and if you know anything about goats. you would know that they like to ram things, and if you know anything about kids. you would know they like to laugh and tease and make fun of people getting hurt. well guess what that fucking goat rammed every single day while i was waiting for the bus and after school he would wait in the ditch and then the second i stepped off the bus he would come charging and lay me out, and all the kids on the bus would laugh. so i would look to my older brother and sister and they would just laugh or hit me or call me a cry baby.(and they never got rammed by the goat) so in my head i had nobody except my parents......nope one day i noticed that they had come out on to the porch waiting for us to get off the bus. so they must have locked the goat up right? wrong they came out to watch and laugh as he repeatedly would ram me.....until i would stay down. keep in mind i have always been the skinny short kid so no chance against a goat because this happened my very first day of school and kept happening every single day until i was in 2nd or 3rd grade. they finally got rid of it or it died or something i dont remember. but by that time everybody in the school knew about it so they would all pick on me and eventually they all started calling me "skittles" because they all thought i was gay(which i am not).... but because taste the rainbow and my older brother and sister started it with a neighbor kid....i dont know kids are dumb but anyways eventually the whole town would call me that.....even my parents......and what was little old me gonna do about it....i had no one to back me up......so i had to change schools in 7th grade and that didnt go well but i made it through....kinda.....but i had my diploma but no job or direction so i started drinking and some time goes by then im like 24 by this point drunk everyday so i go to this party and its like 4 a.m. and im already way too drunk and guess who just so happens to be at this party.....a girl from my old school and do you wanna know what she walked up and said to me?.......do you remember what we all used to call you? then i hear it some guy yells "SKITTLES!!!" and so it followed me to a whole different town and was gonna start all over even tho im supposed to be an adult by now. So after they had said that i dont even think i gave her a response i just grabbed a half full bottle of captain Morgan and slammed the rest of it........thats all i remember.....then i woke up in the hospital and they told me i was 4x over the legal limit and that the doctors had done everything they could of done....ever since that incident i haven't left my room in my parents house and its been like 4 years.....i just dont want to see anybody.....well that was my rant sorry it was a long one even though I left a bunch out. any advice is greatly appreciated✌