Maggiemoo

252d

*TW* I almost relapsed with self-harm
I haven’t in almost 5 years and thankfully I didn’t but I was sharpening knifes because I like helping cook and I accidentally ran it against my finger and i started spiraling this is the first time I’ve ever actually had a full panic attack because of it I didn’t self harm but I’m still worried my urges will be worse than before and I can’t calm down

Depression

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  • jorda

    252d

    I have never resulted to self-harm & don't think I ever will, but the other day after using my pocket knife to open something, I held it up close to my neck to help myself understand how others may feel in moments of suicide or self-harm & I was quickly overwhelmed by the horrid experience & felt somber. If I really did struggle with self-harm, I'd always make sure someone else would be with me if I had to handle a blade. And minimizing exposure to those trigger objects as much as I can.

  • Maggiemoo

    252d

    jorda it’s definitely an awful feeling and when you start it gets harder to stop thankfully I haven’t in 4 years and I’m very proud of myself for it and I’m much better than I was then

  • Kid

    252d

    im sorry this happened to you, i know exactly how that feels because i love cooking but handling knives always reminds me of those times. ironically enough, i work somewhere that specializes in luxury knives (i know, I didn’t think it through) and anytime im handling product or selling i tend to get out of it for a little. stay strong and distract yourself with other, healthier coping mechanisms. im sure you’ve heard this time and time again, but it’s important to keep reminding yourself those simple things! when your mind is fixated on the knife, and you’re getting urges, you’re loosing the ability to think properly about what else you can do. if it really gets bad, then stay away from knives a little. often when i feel like it’s too much i use a food processor to cut things or ask someone else in the house to cut and prep the food for me, and i can just cook it after it’s been cut. you got this <3

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