moodymermaid3690

295d

I don't want to live like this anymore. I hate how stupidly sensitive I am. I hate how my childhood has ruined my adulthood. I hate that I'm existing like an object, not knowing what it means to live. I hate how every emotion other than euphoric bliss is a crime. I hate how my tears are mocked simply for being. I hate how everyone cares so much until I show symptoms. I hate how everything beyond my control is "my fault". I hate how being upset by insults is painted as "my problem". I hate how I "always do this" or "always act like this". I hate myself, and I hate this life. I just want to be rid of worry and to truly feel peace for once in this cesspool of an existence.

In short, if my family wanted an emotionless robot, they should have bought a fucking Roomba instead.

Anemia

Depression

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  • Swift

    295d

    Hey mermaid, when your family dismisses you and your struggles, things seem bleak. I'm in my 20s now and living away from my family and it STILL feels stressful to discuss mental health with them. It was much harder when I was 17 and nobody seemed to understand. I'm sorry you're going through this - don't hesitate to DM me if you just want to vent/need help with dealing with family, if you're still living with them. I can't help you get rid of everything, but I can help you navigate things in a way that won't make it seem as much of a cesspool of existence.

    • moodymermaid3690

      295d

      - Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words. I'm a little calmer now that I've had a good (secret) cry and spoke with a friend over the phone. I just appreciate the kindness of extending this olive branch.

  • xtallglass

    290d

    So sorry to hear this. How many times have I felt like this? Very few people get me. I have similar circumstances as you. My childhood traumas led to choosing the wrong partners in adulthood. This led to more trauma. I have been alone now going on 6 years, out of choice. I would rather be alone, than feel alone in a relationship. I will not settle ever again. As long as I stay on my island, I'm fine. That's how it feels. I am lonely at times. I miss affection and sharing my life with someone. I just want hugs! I don't get them often. 😕

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