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I was writing this morning because it usually calms my mind, but I finally decided to ask myself this question: "why am I afraid to go to therapy?" because I feel like I need it, and I would assume that me and the therapist would talk about my family, and some problems involve my mom, but I always looked at her as the victim of things my whole life (because of verbally abusive stuff that my grandma would say to her, but that's a long story) but then there's this conflict in my mind when it comes to her reactions towards me. This morning she ran into the bathroom after I had used it. Then she called me while in the bathroom asking me I had put the toilet paper (the roll is broken so we don't have it on there.) and I asked her if she sees it here or there, and she's sounding anxious/frustrated while asking asking me what did I do with it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold back my emotions because I'm feeling triggered, and while I'm talking, she asks me "why are you sounding so strange?" And I tell her that it's because I'm trying to remember where it was. (I have a hard time remembering things) Then she's complaining over the phone, and then I remember where I put it. At that point I just hang up and I hand some toilet paper to her, and everything was alright after that. My mom has been diagnosed with anxiety, but where the conflicting comes in is if her reaction was justified, but I feel like it isn't, and I'm afraid of being wrong because I feel like I do something wrong every second, and that the small mistakes I make always result in a long rant of I need to be more careful, and I used to go into a spiral of self-doubt every time it would happen, but now I'm starting to question if a reaction like that is warranted/justified. If there are any parents that could help me look at this from a different perspective, I would really appreciate it.
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Anxiety (Including GAD)
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