Seeking Advice on Spiritual Awakening

@Livingasazebra I grew up as a lifelong atheist, for as long as I could remember. That’s a little under 2 years old. Over the past year, in a time of absolute, utter despair and desperation, God acted in my life and revealed his presence to me through acts that I could not reasonably explain in any other way. Not through a voice or a vision, but through signs in the physical world, events that were so improbable that I could not explain them any other way. A voice or vision would not have been a reliable method to communicate with me, as I have a psychotic disorder. I would sometimes feel the physical presence of someone who I lost laying against my skin, in a way they did in life. I would hear their voice. And, I would cry because I could not know whether what I experienced was real. That is why God gave me demonstrable evidence of his presence in the physical world. I have taken audio recordings and photos of things I believed were signs from God, to prove that they were real, and the exact time that they happened, and kept objects that I believed he led me to. When I got the feeling that God wanted me to do something, I did it. Surprisingly often, I would be shown something beautiful or crucially important - such as an abandoned kitten stuck 6 feet down in a storm drain, who would have never survived if I hadn’t followed God’s guidance and walked to where I believed he was telling me to, not knowing why I was being led. She is beautiful and absolutely loves life & being around me. There is more to my story, that I would like to post, I have just been so exhausted lately. Since you are looking for guidance, I will advise you to be careful. I developed OCD (I may have had it in the past to a lesser degree) over the year that I have had these experiences, because I was so afraid of missing a sign. Recently, however, frequently when I can’t tell whether I am following God’s direction or if it is the OCD, something bad or dangerous will happen shortly after I start following it. I have taken this as God trying to communicate to me that I do not need to be so extremely vigilant, because he does not want me to feel that anguish and be distracted from caring for those who depend on me. To refocus my attention, to let me know of his protection in a different way & allow me to serve the purpose he has for me. Recently, the most terrible thing I can imagine came close to happening, and I had a vivid dream about it several nights before. I was in despair, again, and desperately questioned why God allowed me to survive being born (I nearly died at birth) if my life has been full of such despair. I was terrified of my greatest fear happening, like it had nearly happened a few days ago. But, I have suddenly found strength that I didn’t know I had to improve my life in very tangible ways that I didn’t think I was capable of. I knew I must have purpose and apologized for questioning the Lord’s reasoning, and thanked him for being present in my life. Again, there is more. And I am tired. I hope this gives some answers.