Struggling with Anorexia and Binging

I agree with the ClearColor’s comment above. Early on in my recovery, I was eating “normally”, as in not letting myself fall back into a restrict-binge cycle, the thoughts and emotions that drove me to those were all still there. I had to ignore them until engaging in the restrict-binge cycle became something of the past. I still get disordered thoughts but I am not overwhelmed by them, because I think my hunger hormones have stabilized by just forcing myself to not yo-yo back and forth anymore. The cycle takes a toll on the body and it takes time to heal from the abuse. That time will be rough but having hope that it will eventually stabilize helped me get though it, and I’m so much better now

Perhaps you are still restricting unconsciously by judging yourself for how you eat or having mental labels of good/bad foods etc - I found that the intuitive eating book was very helpful

Apparently I don’t know what “normal” is anymore. I either under or over eat. I’m struggling so much to find the balance.

Refeeding syndrome can be really dangerous and can even sometimes be triggered by a large meal after years of restriction. Last year I had a very bad incident after Christmas because I was home with my family for once and got to eat a normal size meal

Honestly that’s kinda what seems like is happening. I cant get the swelling to go down. It’s even more painful now

Your binges and particularly if it comes after a restrictive diet can cause edema. It can also be related to your kidney function, so I recommend you do blood tests to check it.