Living with an invisible disease

dear diary, i feel so alone with my health because i feel like i complain so much over the same symptoms everyday that it just goes over everyones head… i just think nobody knows how bad it actually makes me feel! like if i have a migraine its not just a migraine, it messes with my whole body and i can’t function. If i have abdominal pain, it then sets off everything else just to make things worse, its just x 100 all the time yknow? and i hate complaining when nobody gets it, i know its hard for some because its an invisible disease but i think bcos i push myself so much in life, when i tell people how i feel when im bad, its just thought of as a “itll pass eventually after some tablets and sleep” but thats not the case, i deal with it day in day out on my own, in my room, bed bound. yes there are better days when i manage to make it out the house and mentally i feel happier but this disease is so fluctuated, it can flare up at any time with no build up or warning & i just feel at those times which occur 99% of the time, there’s only so much pushing through i can do before it breaks me and i’m ngl i’m getting close to it, like i can’t lie i’m sooooo depressed its a joke… like never in my life did i think that i would be thinking about ending my life to end the pain i’m in, it scares me. the only way i can explain it is, i dont wanna be alive but i’m scared to die at the same time, its awful😭😭 chlo x