Dealing with a Triggered Cousin's Aggressive Response to My Sexuality

Since my best friend hasn’t got this app I feel I can vent freely here without feeling nervous she’ll see it. I’m questioning my sexuality recently. I’m either straight or bi. I’ve told my mum and my bestie. So you might be wondering why I don’t want her to see this post right? But that’s bc I kinda have a small crush on her. At least I think I might. We’re very touchy with each other (she’s just mucking about) she’s very straight and has expressed it multiple times while I’ve been open ended because I’ve been on and off questioning slightly (not very seriously until now). The other night we went to a restaurant and she put her hand on my thigh (mucking about to show me how her friends tease each other) and I got a bit turned on and obviously didn’t want to show her so the second time she tried to do it I pushed her hand away on instinct. I felt really awkward bc I can’t show that I felt something when she did it. Things like this have been happening like I’ll sweat when I’m holding her hand, and sometimes I’ll think she’s hot and my view on her changes to something other than platonic. She’s my bestie for life and I won’t be telling her any of this, ever. But I felt I needed to say this somewhere just as a discussion so if u did read all of this pls comment I would really appreciate it bc this is extremely confusing and stressful to keep from someone who I normally tell everything. I’m not certain I’m bisexual atm I’m bicurious. I can’t actually see myself in an intimate sexual relationship with a girl but maybe that’s bc I genuinely haven’t questioned it or thought seriously about it idk. But any support is welcomed with open arms pls 💜

I need some answers here. So I’m questioning my sexuality I thought I was straight but even as a child I didn’t quite feel right and felt connected to lgbtq. I defo like boys but maybe girls as well. Regardless the point of this post is that I have told my mum, best friend and my cousin who’s also part of lgbtq. She was very accepting and helped me as was very nice but my auntie was horrible to her when she came out and she took it out on me last night. Kinda complicated but basically I asked her in a half sarcastic but also wondering way whether I came across straight or not. She then had a go at me telling me this was “nothing to joke about” etc etc for an entire essay. She told me her coming out was hell and etc. so she took out her terrible time and the fact that I can joke about it with ppl that know and with myself bc nobody’s abusing me or not accepting. I know she wants the best for me but her inner trauma of it all really came out quite aggressively on me last night and idk how to reply. I’ve seen millions of gay ppl joke about their sexuality so I know I haven’t done anything wrong I just have very supportive ppl and it’s more chill for me aside from the inner confusion and stress. Anyone got any opinions on this? I feel angry at her for having a go at me like that and trying to tell me what I can and can’t do but I also understand that’s coming from her inner trauma as I’ve seen how my auntie treats her and has always treated her. (My auntie doesn’t know about me)

Questioning My Sexuality and Dealing with Trauma