Dealing with Relationship Anxiety and Depression

I have been with my partner for 10 years and I still have those feelings. Talking to him about it helped me a lot. I told him that I get horrible anxiety about him leaving me and we talked about it and worked on it. One thing that helped me a lot is having him do check in texts, like "I just got off work a little late and I'm on my way right now" or "I'm just letting you know that I am busy and will not be able to answer the phone for this much time" so I am not sitting here not knowing what is going on with him. Just his willingness to do those little things to reassure me has made me feel so much better. You have to talk to your partner about it or how will they understand what you are going through? You might think that talking about it will make her think poorly about you, but it is just the opposite, it will make her understand you better and she will better be able to help you feel better. If she gets mad about you needing extra love then she is probably not the one.

Have you talked to her about it and told her it's a symptom of your bpd? It may be hard, but the conversation is necessary or you'll drive yourself crazy.

I have been in similar situations. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I often find myself lost in those negative thoughts. I have to talk myself through it and reassure myself it's the depression and focus on rational thinking. Try to redirect that energy into something that can distract you from getting cought up in those thoughts. I wish you well. You are not alone. This too shall pass.